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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563958">Ocean Eyes.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/McSatan/pseuds/McSatan'>McSatan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dark, F/M, Maddison baby, eventually cute and happy, maddison - Freeform, mature - Freeform, slowburn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 12:40:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/McSatan/pseuds/McSatan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Addison goes through something tragic and Mark helps her recover and find happiness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Addison Montgomery/Mark Sloan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW: This fanfic deal with sensative topics such at rape and ptsd. Its going to start dark and then get light and cute.</p>
<p>Also, sorry for any missed errors, and that the first chapter is so short. I'm almost done with the second chapter so it'll be post soon.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Addison finished her fourth martini. Or maybe it was her fifth. Sixth? She had lost count by now. The only number she was focused on was the number of years of marriage she had just thrown away. Her marriage was over. Over. Done. Just like that. It had been over for awhile though. Deep down she knew it. She just didn't want to admit it, she didn't want to let it go. She didn't want to let Derek go. Now she had no choice. Thanks to the damn panties. She held back her tears and threw back the rest of the drink in her glass. Her mind flooded of memories. Their love, their laughs, all the good they had. They were Addison and Derek. Were. They were no longer Addison and Derek. She was just Addison.<br/>	Just Addison. Who even was that? She didn't know anymore. She never thought she would end up like this. Alone. Alone and drunk at a bar by herself. Just completely alone. There must be something wrong with her, she thought to herself. She never had a hard time getting a guys attention, or getting him to be with her. It was keeping him that was the issues. They always left. Something about her just wasn't enough. She let a soft sigh escape her red lips.  What was wrong with her?<br/>	Addison checked the time on her phone. 10:34pm. It was late enough, and she was drunk enough. She figured it was time to call it a night. <br/>"Joe?"<br/>The bartender smiled sweetly at her. "I already called you a cab Addie. Its waiting outside for you."<br/>"You're the best."<br/>Addison grabbed her purse and slid out of her seat, making her way to the door. As she walked out the door she left an arm slide around her waist. She looked at the man startled. <br/>"Excuse me?!"<br/>"You were wobbling, I'm just trying to help." <br/>"My cab is right there, I think I should be fine.."<br/>"Like I said, I'm just trying to help. You've had a lot to drink tonight."<br/>	How does he know how much she had to drink. Something felt off, but her mind was too fuzzy argue. Addison simply nodded and allowed him to help her to the vehicle. "Thank you." She mumbled as she stumbled into the back seat. She could feel him sit beside her. Her brain yelled at her to protest, to push him out, but her body felt too weak and tired to do anything but fight sleep. <br/>	The ride how was a complete blur. It was like she blinked and she was at her hotel room, digging through her purse for her hotel key. Once the door was open, everything happened so fast. He suddenly had Addison pushed down on the bed, his body pressed against hers. But it wasn't in the romantic way, or  sensual way. It was rough, violent, and hurtful. Her drunken mind became startled sober. Her heart was pounding and her mind was filled with terror. </p>
<p>"Stop!"<br/>Nothing.<br/>"I said stop!"<br/>Nothing.<br/>"You're hurting me! I said no!"</p>
<p>	Her words did nothing but encourage him more. His touch became harder, his action more violent. Addison was no longer able to move against him, her fighting only made things worse. Finally, he forced himself inside her. Her body screamed in pain, tears flooded down her cheeks.  She stared at the wall, forcing her mind to be anywhere besides in that room. She wasn't sure how long it last, how long he took everything from her. Minutes, hours, it all felt the same. It felt like forever.  When he was finished, he put himself together and left. Left her laying exposed and broken and alone. <br/>	Addison pushed herself to sit up, pulling the blanket over herself to cover up. She looked around the room desperately to find her purse. Phone. She needs to phone. Where the fuck was her phone?! She dragged herself off the bed and onto the floor to search further. There, under the bed. She grabbed her phone and quickly scrolled through the contacts until she found the number she needed.<br/>Hearing the voice on the other line caused her to break down. "...I need you..."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mark wasted no time getting to Addison's hotel room. His heart was beating so fast with fear he was sure that it would beat right out of this chest at any given second. He had known Addison for most his life, he had been through hell and back with her, and through all that, he had never heard her so scared and broken. He couldn't imagine what had happened to make her that way. Couldn't or was too scared to, he wasn't sure. <br/>	Mark raced through the hotel and up the stairs until he reached Addison's room. The moment he saw the door cracked opened, he prepared himself, knowing that what he was going to walk into wasn't going to be good. "Addison....?" Mark slowly pushed the door open, finding Addison sitting on the floor, leaning back against the bed. Her make up smeared, clothes torn, hair a mess. He almost didn't recognize. It was so not Addison to be like that, let alone to allow herself to be seen like that. <br/>	Mark's heart immediately broke seeing her. He rushed to her side, scanning her body for any serious injuries. "Addie, baby, Addison, what happened?! You need to tell me what happened!" She didn't look at him until he gently cupped her face in his hands. It was then she broke out in a sob, gripping his shirt in her hands. He wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "Addison, please...talk to me.." He said softly, begging her to open up to him. She didn't though, she said nothing. And he was too scared to push her. So he held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Its okay, you're okay, I got you.." <br/>	They stayed like that for what seemed like forever. Mark just let her cry, and there were a few moments he allowed himself to cry. Seeing Addison, the woman he loved, so broken tore him apart. What happened to? Who would do something like this to her? It was Addison. His Addison. He needed to fix this. How does he fix this?! Once Addison started to calm down he tried talking to her once more.<br/>"Addie..."<br/>"I didn't know who else to call.." Her voice was barely a whisper. <br/>"You can always call me. Always."<br/>Addison just responds with a slow nod.<br/>"You're safe with me, I'll always keep you safe Red."<br/>"You're my safe place." She said softly.<br/>	It was true. She always felt safe with Mark. No matter what, she knew he would be there for her. No matter the mistakes they made, no matter what was happening between them, Mark was there for her. Which was why she called him. She knew that she would be safe and well taken care with him. He wrapped his arms around her and Addison immediately felt secure. He allowed her to cry in his arm until she didn't have any tears left. When she couldn't cry anymore, she slowly sat up. Clean. She needed to shower. She needed to wash him off of her. She left dirty and gross.<br/>"Addison...please, tell me what happened..."<br/>"I need to show...you're staying here right?"<br/>"I'm not leaving you."<br/>"I need to shower.."<br/>"I think we should take you to the hospital."<br/>She looked at him with fear in her eyes. "No no no no!"<br/>"Addison you need a doctor."<br/>"I am a doctor"<br/>"You know what I mean Red.."<br/>"No. They can't know, I don't want anyone to know!"<br/>	Mark reached out and held her hands in his to help calm her. In return she held onto his hands as if her life depended on it. The thought of walking into a hospital terrified her. It was their eyes. She didn't want their eyes to be on her. She was tired of having eyes on her. The looks, the looks of pity and sympathy. She wouldn't be able to take it. Then there was the fact she would have to fully face what happened to her, she would have to hear to extent of what he did to her. And that, that made her skin crawl, it made her sick to her stomach. All Addison wanted to do was hide from the world. With Mark.<br/>	Mark gently caressed her cheek with his hand, she leaned into his touch and he gave her a softly smile. "Addie, we need to know that you're okay. I need to know that you're okay. You need to see a doctor. Please, do this...for me..."<br/>	Before Addison could answer, a knock came from the door. Her grip on Mark tighten and she started to hyperventilate. "Mark, the door...the door...! He's back! Mark, hes back!" Her voice was filled with fear as tears spilled from her eyes. Mark immediately pulled get close and held her. "I got you. I'm here. No one is going to hurt you." Addison choked back a sob and shook her head. "No, he's here. He's back! Mark, he's here! Don't let him hurt me again, please, don't let him touch me again!"<br/>	Then it hit him. It hit him straight in the gut and took his breath away in the worst way possible. He held back his emotions when he finally realize what exactly happened to the woman he loved. "Oh Addison..." Mark kisses the top of her head and holds her.<br/>Then a familiar voice came from the other side of the door.<br/>"Addison? Is everything okay?"<br/>Mark let out a sigh of relief. "Addie, its just Derek."<br/>"Derek?"<br/>"Yeah honey, its just Derek. I'm gonna let him in okay?"<br/>"No! Don't!"<br/>Derek knocked again. "Mark? Is that you?"<br/>"Addison, he's just here to check on you okay? Its going to be okay."<br/>	Addison slowly nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed as Mark went to answer the door. Derek looked surprised to see him, almost offended. Given the history they had, Mark couldn't blame him. Derek was silent for a moment, then huffed and shook his head. "Of course you're here."<br/>"Derek..."<br/>"The papers aren't even signed and you two are screwing."<br/>"Derek..."<br/>"I was actually coming to apologize but-"<br/>"Derek!"<br/>	Derek stopped when Mark finally raised his voice. He studied his ex-best friends face and realize he was wrong. He didn't find them hooking up. Something was wrong. Mark's eyes had a sting of pink in them, he had been crying. Addison wasn't at the door apologizing or offering an explanation, which he knew she would have. Something was off, something was wrong. <br/>"Mark...where is Addison..?"<br/>"Derek, something happened.."<br/>	Derek didn't let Mark say anymore, he pushed the door open and moved passed Mark. A lump immediately formed in this throat when he saw Addison sitting on the edge of the bed. Clothes torn, make up smear, hair a mess, and eyes swollen from crying. He rushed to her and knelt down in front of her. <br/>"Addison, what happened?!"<br/>Addison remained silent, staring off at god knows what. <br/>"Addison, who did this to you?!"<br/>Again, nothing.<br/>Derek stood back up and looked over at Mark. "What happened?!"<br/>	Mark pulled Derek away from Addison for a moment so he could talk to him without her hearing. He took a deep breath and crossed his arms over his chest. "I um..I think she assaulted..." He whispered. Derek's eyes widened in pain. "You think Addison was...raped..?" Mark looked down to hide the hurt expression that took hold of his face. "Yeah, but she won't let me take her to the hospital."<br/>"She needs to go to the hospital."<br/>"I know. But she freak out when I brought it up."<br/>	They both glanced over Addison, trying to figure out the best way they could help her. She needed a doctor. Derek couldn't help but shake his head at the thought. The doctor Addison would need to see would be herself. He went back over to her and sat next to her, giving her his best McDreamy smile he could.<br/>"Hey Addie..."<br/>"Derek..."<br/>"Mark and I are going to take you to the hospital okay?"<br/>Addison quickly shakes her head and looks at him with tears. "No no no, please. Derek I don't want to go, please!"<br/>"Addie, if someone came to you in your situation, what would you tell them...?"<br/>	She squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears falls, knowing he was right. She needed to be checked out. She needed to do the right thing. "No one knows..." She whispered.<br/>Derek nods. "No charts. I'll get you into a room and get Bailey. No paperwork. Is that okay?"<br/>	Addison looked up at Mark, almost reaching out for reassurance that he would be there with her. He nodded as soon as their eyes met. "I ain't going anywhere Red." With his confirmation, Addison nodded and allowed Derek to help her up. Mark placed his jacket around her shoulder and put his arm around her. "I'm not going anywhere Red, I'm here. Always."<br/>"Always..." She repeated softly.</p><p>"Bailey! You're free right? I checked the board and you don't have any surgeries."<br/>Bailey looked at him suspiciously. "Depends on who is asking and why."<br/>"I'm asking. I need a favor. Its important, and an emergency."<br/>"An emergency? What are you up to Shepherd?"<br/>"Can you just come with me?"<br/>	Given the panic state that Derek was in, Bailey didn't bother saying anything else. She just did as he requested and followed him to an exam room. He stopped at the door before letting them enter. "There are rules you need to follow though. Don't make a chart, if you have to make one then the name you use is Jane Doe. Also, no one is allowed to know that we are here. And just...help her..."<br/>	Bailey looks at him both shocked and worried. "We? Her? Derek...what is going on?!" He slowly opens the door so she'll understand. Bailey takes a deep breath to remain calm and hide her emotion as she lays eyes on a very broken Addison sitting on the exam table clinging onto Mark, not allowing him leave her side, not that he even wanted to. <br/>"Derek please do not tell me that you're asking me to..."<br/>"....do a rape kit on Addison. Yes, I am."<br/>	Bailey carefully walked around the exam table until she was standing in front of Addison. Addison seemed scared to look up, scared to make eye contact. She was clearly shaken, and also quite literally shaking. But not from the temperature unfortunately, from nerves. <br/>"Hey Addison." Bailey said softly.<br/>"Hey Miranda.."<br/>"I uh, I'm going to run some tests on you if that's okay."<br/>	"Okay.." Addison hesitated before positioning herself on the seat so Bailey could properly exam her. She stared up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath in attempt to stop the tears that were forming in her eyes. She failed. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she couldn't help herself but feel completely ashamed and humiliated. Bailey looked from Derek to Mark, letting them know it was time for them to leave and give her privacy. Mark kissed her head  before leaving. "I'll be right outside okay? I'm not going anywhere." Addison glanced at Bailey and then back at Mark, giving him a nod. Its Bailey, she was with Bailey. She was okay. She could make it through an exam. She could do that much. </p><p>Derek leaned against the wall outside the exam room as Mark paced back and forth. "What happened Mark?"<br/>"I don't know."<br/>"You don't know?"<br/>"I don't know!"<br/>"You were in her room though!"<br/>	"She called me! That's how I found her. She's barely said anything to me. She freaked out when you knocked on the door, saying HE was coming back and she didn't want HIM to TOUCH her again. That's how I knew. That's it." Mark was almost yelling at this point. Furious at Derek for questioning him, furious that he didn't have better answers to give him, furious that this was even happening. He was just furious. He kept having to remind himself to stay calm for Addie. Addie needs him to be calm.<br/>Derek just shook his head, still fighting back tears. It seemed to be all anyone could do. Shake their head in sadness and fight the emotion the lodged itself in their throats. <br/>"Can you do me favor.." Mark spoke softly, worried about the answer he was going to get.<br/>"What?"<br/>"If I give you the keys, can you move Addie's stuff from her room to mine? She shouldn't be staying in that room, not after what happened."<br/>	Derek wanted to protest. Addison was still his wife. A part of him felt like she should be staying with him. He was the one that she be taking care of her and helping her. But it was him. He was the one that hurt her. He was the one that made her vulnerable. And Mark was the one she called. She needed help and comfort and protection. And she went to Mark. Not him. So as much as he hated it, Mark was right. Derek nodded, taking the keys from Mark. He paused before walking away. <br/>"You better take good care of her."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this chapter is so short, I just wanted to get an update out. the next one will be longer and more eventful. promise. also sorry for any errors i missed.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Addison laid curled up to Mark, her head rested on his chest and her arms holding onto him. He had one hand gently tangled in her hair and the other soothingly rubbing her arm. This had become her spot now.  It had been two weeks since that horrid night and this was the only way he could get her to sleep. He'd given up on sleeping through the night to make sure she was. He was happy to do so though, seeing her peaceful and resting was rewarding to him. <br/>	Mark had yet to leave her side. He was sure that his constant hovering must be annoying to her but he couldn't help himself. He needed to make sure she was okay and if he was being honest, he felt overly protective of her. He was constantly asking if she needed food, or anything to drink or if she was comfortable or asking how she was feeling and if he could get her anything. Anything. He was desperate to help her. But Addison didn't show much emotion. She usually answered by simply shaking her head and just softly saying "Thank you." He missed his Addison. He missed her smile, her laugh, her silly rants. He could kill the man hurt her. <br/>	Addison started to stir and Mark froze, not wanting to move a muscle to wake her up. But she woke up on her own. She rubbed her eyes briefly before slowly sitting up.<br/>"What time is it?"<br/>"About 9:30."<br/>Addison just nodded. <br/>"You hungry?"<br/>She shook her head.<br/>"Addison...you need to eat. You've barely eaten."<br/>	Addison paused a moment before saying anything. He was right. Come to think of it, she couldn't even remember her last full meal. She usually just has a few bites of whatever Mark was eating. She needed to take better care of herself. She knew this, she's even told herself this several times. The problem was she wasn't actually doing it. Addison let a soft sigh escape her lips and nodded. "Yeah, okay, I'll eat."<br/>	Mark couldn't help but smile at her response. It was small but it was something. He was pleased with any small step she took. First it was her talking more, then sleeping restfully, and now eating. He was proud of her and her continuous strength. <br/>"Excellent, because I already ordered you food."<br/>Addison looked up at him. "What if you ordered the wrong thing for me?"<br/>He smiled more at the teasing tone in her voice. "Impossible. I ordered everything."<br/>"You ordered everything?"<br/>"I ordered everything."<br/>"Mark, that's a lot of food!"<br/>"Well, I didn't know what you were in the mood for. Besides, you need to eat, now you have options."<br/>	Addison paused to look at him for a moment before she started laughing. Mark almost cried then and there. She was laughing. Laughing! He made her laugh, and without even trying. It was a small laugh, a chuckle really, but it was still music to his ears. He started at her with a goofy grin, appreciating the moment they were in. She blushed slightly, noticing the gaze he was giving her. "Well, um, thank you. For the food. Thank you."<br/>"No need to thank me Red." <br/>The was a long pause between them before Mark worked up the courage to say what he wanted. "Addie...can you talk to me about that-"<br/>"Lets watch a movie." Addison said reaching for the TV remote,  once again avoiding the topic Mark insisted on bringing up. <br/>	Addison felt bad for ignoring it. Mark so desperately wanted her to open up to him about what happened. He would tell her it would do her good talking about it and letting someone in, and she knew he was right. He seemed to be oddly always right now. But she wasn't ready. She couldn't. It was too soon. She wanted to, she truly wanted to. She knew it would help, she knew Mark would comfort her and make her feel better, she knew it was healthy to seek help and open up. But she couldn't. She just...couldn't. <br/>"Addie..."<br/>"Jurassic Park is on."<br/>"Which one? Because you know the second and third aren't as good."<br/>"The first."<br/>"In that case, I guess we'll have to have a rain check on this conversation." Mark looked at her with one of his classic smirks and Addison couldn't help but small. She knew his nickname at Seattle Grace was McSteamy but sometimes she swore he could be the dreamy one. She felt relieved that he never pressured her to talk but always reassured her that he was there to listen and be with her. And then never blamed her for not opening up. She knew that Jurassic Park wasn't a reason to not talk about what happened that night, especially given that he knew she had seen the movie countless times, but she appreciated that he was letting it take the blame. <br/>Addison nodded. "Rain check.."</p><p>	They sat in bed together that night, plates of food surrounding them as they watched the movie. Though Mark probably watched Addison more then the movie. She was eating. Actually eating, not taking little bites here and there or picking at the food, genuinely eating. She was teasing him and making jokes, almost fully smiling at times. Mark could swear he felt his heart smile at the sight of her. His Addie. <br/>"I want to go back to work."<br/>"Addison...:<br/>"I know. Bailey said I need to sign up for therapy. I want to do that to."<br/>"You do?"<br/>"Yeah, I mean, no. I don't really want to. But I know I need to so..."<br/> 	Mark was overwhelmed with pride and love for her, he quickly pulled her into a hug and kissed her head. Addison, not expecting the sudden affection, let out a small gasp but quickly relaxed in his arms. <br/>"Addison, that's great!"<br/>"I um, I also wanted to thank you. For staying with me, and taking care of me. And well, for being so patient and understanding..."<br/>"Addison I-"<br/>"You're my safe place. Thank you, for being my safe place."<br/>"Always Red, always."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not the best chapter but its an update nonetheless. I make the next one juicier and better. Promise. But for now, enjoy! And as always, sorry for any missed grammar and spelling mistakes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Addison stood outside the hospital, staring at the front doors. She could do this. She could totally do this. She could walk through the doors. It was fine. She was fine. She could do this. This was normal, she needed normal. Thats what she told herself, thats what shes been telling herself. She wasn't quite sure if she truly believed that yet but maybe telling herself that a couple more times would convince her.<br/>	A soft sigh escaped her red painted lips when she saw Mark walking towards her. She wasn't sure if it was from relief that he was coming back for her or frustration that he had to come back from her. He had questioned whether going back to work was the right decision for her, but she promised several times that she was ready and she needed it. Her hesitation felt like she was letting him down. <br/>"Hey"<br/>"Hey.."<br/>"Its not too late to go back Addie.."  <br/>"I can do this."<br/>"I know you. I'm just saying you don't have to.'<br/>"I want to."<br/>	Mark nodded and held out his hand for Addison to take. She hesitated for a moment. He understood why, but still kept  his hand out for her. He knew she still needed support but that she wanted to be independent. She wanted to feel in control and strong. Though Mark knew she was still strong, she just needed to remember how she was. <br/>"I'm here Addie, I can help you. I'll walk in with you, let you do your thing, check in with you throughout the day, and then take you home. Simple as that."<br/>"Simple as that?"<br/>"Simple as that. Just trust me Red."<br/>	Addison let his words sink in for a moment, then softly smiled as she took his hand.  "I do trust you." She said softly.<br/>	 It was hard for her not to lean on him when he did such a good job at taking care of her.  Most people knew Mark only as a womenizer, which he definitely was, but he was also so much more. Addison was one of the very few people that were luckily enough to know Mark, truly know Mark. Though his mind was in the gutter most the time, and he couldn't help himself from making some kind of comment that came off as sexual or flirtatious, Mark also had a soft side that was incredibly charming. He had this soft side that made her melt. Mark was actually genuinely a loving and caring man. In the past, she was never sure if she was in love with Mark, but she had always been sure that she could fall in love with him. <br/>	They walked through the doors and Addisons hold onto Marks hand tighter, but her confident posture and expression was never lost. Mark smiled proudly at her. She was a warrior. He wanted to praise her,  celebrate her strength and determination she showed each day. She had always amazed him, its one of the many reasons he fell in love with her. But now, this? This was a whole new level of amazement. <br/>	Derek was the first. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her.  Addison took a deep breath to brace herself for the questions he was about to ask that she didn't really want to answer. She could already tell it was going to be a long day.<br/>"Addie!" He greeted her with an unexpected hug. "Its uh, its good to see you. How..how are you? You okay?"<br/>"I'm fine."<br/>Derek glanced at Mark, questioning Addison's answer silently. His look didn't go unnoticed. She softly huffed and shot him a glare. "I said I was fine." She said before grabbing a patients chart and walking away.<br/>"She's fine?" <br/>"She's getting there."<br/>"So she's not fine?"<br/>"Derek. She's doing her best."<br/>"It hasn't been that long Mark..."<br/>"She wants to work, she's been wanting to work. She wants to get back to her life. She wants normal."<br/>"That doesn't make her ready."<br/>"She's in therapy." <br/>"That doesn't make her ready." <br/>"Leave it alone Derek."<br/>"I'm worried. I'm allowed to worry."<br/>"Who are you worried about?"  <br/>	Derek turned to the voice that had unexpectedly walked up behind him. He hadn't told Meredith about what happened that night things ended between him and Addison. All she knew was that he went over to her hotel room to talk with her, she knew nothing about how he found her. It wasn't his story to tell. However, Meredith was suspicious. Between how late Derek got home that night, the state of terror and heart break that showed on his face when he came home in, and the conversation she was walking in on between him and Mark, she knew something was up. Derek glanced at Mark who was giving him a look that old him not to say anything. <br/>"No one. A patient." Derek said softly.<br/>"A patient?" Meredith repeated, not believing that answer she was given. <br/>"Just a patient."<br/>An awkward moment of silence took over the three of them before they all parted their separate ways. </p><p>	Addison let out a soft sigh as she approached the nurses desk. She thought she would enjoy being back at work more. Not that she didn't like it, she did. It was the right decision, it felt good to be back to helping patients and doing surgerys. It was just tiring. She was right about the questions, and the whispering and the gossip. People were talking about her, granted it was about her divorce and not her attack, it still didn't feel great, especially because her attack. Addison felt weak, and she hated feeling weak. She wanted to be strong again.<br/>"How are you feeling?"<br/>	Addison jumped at the voice, her heart stopping at the question. How was she feeling? Why was Alex Karev asking her how she was feeling?! He knew! How did her know?! Oh god, he knows! Addison had trouble forming words to answer. She stuttered to get them out.<br/>"How...how am I...feeling...?"<br/>"After your vacation...? How are you feeling? Better after escaping the Meredith and Derek bullshit?"<br/>"Vacation...?"<br/>	Now Alex was the one giving the confused look. Addison was afraid to say anymore. She was making conversation worse. Why couldn't Alex go back to hating her and avoiding her. <br/>"Karev! Don't you have patients to attend to?! How about instead of playing twenty question with Dr.Montgomery you go save a life?!" <br/>	Alex huffed and glared at Bailey for a moment before grabbing the chart and walking away. Addison smiled with relief, thankful Bailey interrupted and ended that conversation when she did. "Thank you. For telling people thats why I was gone, and for getting Karev to go away."<br/>"You're welcome." Bailey studied Addison's presence before speaking up again. "I am not going to ask how you're doing, I'm not going to hover. Even though I want to do both. I'm going to safely assume you've had enough of that today. But I will say, its nice to see you Addie, and its really nice to have you back." Bailey smiled, putting a comforting hand on the redheads shoulder before walking away. Addison smiled,  the words were short and to the point, but comforting, oddly making her feel better.  </p><p> </p><p>"Mark is having lunch with Addison."<br/>Derek looked up from his food to see what Meredith was pointing out. He had already known the two were eating together but he figured he would humor his girlfriend by playing dumb, especially since she was already catching on to the fact he was hiding something from her. <br/>"Mark IS having lunch with Addison."<br/>"You don't find that weird?"<br/>"I find alot of things that Mark does weird."<br/>"Well, yeah, but Addison usually doesn't want anything to do with Mark."<br/>"I guess now she does."<br/>"Did something happen with Addison?"<br/>Dereks eyes widened at the question. "What makes you think that?"<br/>"I don't know, Alex said she was acting weird and Marks been kind of hovering over her all day. And not in the inappropriate way that he usual does."<br/>"I don't know Meredith."<br/>"Does this have anything to do with why you got home so late that night?"<br/>"Drop it Meredith."<br/>	Derek actually snapped with his last answer. He sighed before getting up and walking away. He hated that he snapped at Meredith, especially when her concern was only coming from a caring place. He hated that he couldn't say anything to her. He wanted to tell her what happened, he wanted to talk it out with her, cry with her, express all his worries to her. But he couldn't. He couldn't talk to Mark about it because his was always with Addison (understandably), and he couldn't talk to Addison because she wouldn't talk about what happened with anyone. Except her therapist apparently.<br/>	A part of him felt guilty too. It was their divorce that drove her to drink too much at the bar. He was the reason she was there, he was the reason she was hurting. Him. And he wasn't the one that was helping her. He drove her to the hispital and that was it. He should have done more. She should have called him. </p><p>"I got you something."<br/>Addison rolled her eyes. "I don't want your pickle Mark."<br/>He couldn't help but laugh at her remark. "Someone is sassy today."<br/>Addison smiled and gently nudged his side with her elbow.<br/>"No pickles for you. Just your favorite cupcake."<br/>"You got me a red velvet cupcake?!"<br/>"I did."<br/>"I needed a cupcake today, thank you."<br/>	Addison thanked him with a sweet smile, actively having to stop herself from kissing his cheek. She found it odd that that was a natural response for her. But she couldn't deny that they had gotten really close since that night. The connection they had before was nothing compared to the connection they had now. Things were different now, they were different now. But she pushed the thoughts and feelings away, for now. She wasn't ready to deal with that right now.<br/>"So how is being back? How are you feeling? And don't say fine Addison, actually talk to me, please."<br/>	Addison took another bite of her cupcake, giving herself some extra time before answering. She hated this question, she wanted to just say fine. She wanted to just bullshit an answer and change the subject with some kind of joke and or fake a page, this she had been doing all day. But Mark deserved an honest answer.<br/>"Exhausting." She said looking down at the food in front of her, too nervous to make eye contact with him. "Everyone is asking how I'm doing. And because of..what happened..I keep forgetting that I got divorced. How stupid is that?" She faked laughed. "I forget that I'm divorced. I forget that thats why I should be upset. I should be sad that my marriage ended, but I'm not. I wish thats why I was sad..."<br/>"Addie..."<br/>"Anyways, because I forgot that I should be sad over my divorce I keep making things awkward when people ask me if I'm okay. I hate that question. I hate having to say I'm fine when I'm not."<br/>Mark saw the tears forming in her eyes and placed his hand on hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. <br/>"You can take more time off Addie."<br/>"I don't want more time off."<br/>"But if you're not fine-"<br/>"I will be! I will be fine, I'll get through this. I'm just..I'm still in the process of actually getting through. I'm not fine right now but I will be. I miss surgery, I miss delivering babies and helping patients. Work makes me feel good. I want to feel good. I want to be here. I need to be here. Work is good for me."<br/>"Okay. I get that. Just, don't forget I'm here Addie. You come to me if you need anything, anything at all okay? I'm here. Always."<br/>Addison glance down at their hands that were still linked together, neither them having the intention of letting go. She looked into his eyes and smiled, giving him a small nod in response. "Always."</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As always, sorry any errors that were missed. Very excited about getting this update out and for getting to more cute maddison content.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>10 weeks. It had been 10 weeks since it happened. Addison had been going to therapy twice a week, which seemed to be helping her a lot with her healing. She was settled in back at work, taking on her back to back surgeries and busy schedule. Aside from reoccurring nightmares and getting startled easily, Addison seem to be back to normal self.  <br/>	Mark couldn't take his eyes off of her, and for several reason. The first was because he was, and always has been, captivated by Addison's beauty. Her beauty and all that she was.  She was a goddess to him, too perfect to even be real. So he stared, taking in everything that was Addison Forbes Montgomery.  The second being that Mark was blown away by her strength. Something horrific had happened to her, something that broke her. But she didn't stay broken. He watched her rebuild herself. He was in awe. The woman he loved was a remarkable one. The final reason he couldn't take his eyes off of her was, well, he felt protective over her. Overly protective if he was being honest. But how could he not be?  He just wanted to make sure she was okay, and happy.<br/>	And she was getting there. Addison promised him almost daily that she was alright. Because she was. She saw a therapist twice a week that helped her deal with the attacked, helped her not blame herself for what happened, and help her try to move on. Work was normal again. She was back to rushing around the hospital to deliver babies and save babies. She was started to feel like herself again. She was starting to feel good.<br/>	Addison knew she had Mark to thank for that. When she called him that night she knew that he would help but she never knew that lengths he would go for her. Mark never left her side. He held her through every nightmare, made sure she was well fed, took her to her therapy appointments when she was too nervous not to go, distracted her with good company, soothed her with loving words, and so much more. Mark was, well, perfect. A word Addison never thought she would use to describe him, but it was truly the only word that did him justice. She always thought Derek was the one, he was her dream guy, her prince or whatever.  Given the divorce she was clearly wrong. But now, a change of heart was another reason.  <br/>Mark would prove that to her yet again.</p><p> </p><p>It was a busy morning for Addison. 3 deliveries and two emergency surgeries, one in which she almost lost the baby. Almost. She usually doesn't look forward to lunch, mainly because she was too busy to worry about eating,  but today she was. A break sounded really good right now, especially if Mark decided to surprise her with another cupcake. <br/>	She finished adding the last note on the patients chart before handing it to Karev. <br/>"Check on her-" Addison's sentence drifted off when her caught caught the sight of the patient being quickly wheeled in. Younger man, late twenties maybe, severe abdomen wound, with several hand tattoos. She would recognize those hand tattoos anywhere, those were the tattooed hands that held her down. The snake is one the that stood out to her the most, the one she would never forget, she remembered thinking how appropriate it was for him since she was a snake of a man. She felt sick to her stomach, watching that man being rushed into her hospital. She gasped for air, suddenly not being able to breathe.<br/>"Dr. Montgomery?" Alex watched her reaction, his confusion quickly turning to concern.<br/>"Dr. Montgomery!" She wouldn't respond to him, he didn't even think she knew he was saying her name. She just stared, fear painted all over her pale face. The second she started hyperventilating Alex became desperate to get her attention. "Addison! Look at me!"<br/>	Derek heard his ex-wife's name being yelled and he quickly looked up from his paper work to see what was going on. He saw the shimmer of tears in her blue eyes and the terrified express on her face. He dropped shoved the paperwork to whatever intern was standing next to him and ran over. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and looked into her eyes. <br/>"Addison, talk to me, whats going on?"<br/>"She saw some dude being wheeled in and just started freaking out!" Alex told him. <br/>"Addie, look at me, just look at me."<br/>Addison looked into Derek's eyes, allowing more tears to fall from her eyes as her hand clung to Derek's white coat. "I-I can't breathe...! Mark.."<br/>"Page Sloan." <br/>Alex looked confused. "You want me to page Sloan?"<br/>"Karev! Page Mark right now!"<br/>Derek put his arm around Addison, pulling her close and walking her away from the busy action and somewhere quiet, rubbing her back and whispering to her to calm her down. </p><p>	Mark rushed to Addison as soon as he got the page, swinging the door to the break room open and rushing to her side. His heart ached seeing her. She seemed so small, sitting on the couch, her face hidden in her hands as she cried. Derek sat next to her, rubbing circles on her back in attempts to sooth her.<br/>"Whats going on?" Mark asked worried. <br/>"She didn't say."<br/>	Mark knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his and looking into her ocean blue eyes. He loved her eyes. They were the perfect shade of blue, reminding him of ocean waves. Calming, chaotic and beautiful. Which suited her well. But now her eyes were riddled with pain, pain that he wanted so desperately to take away. <br/>"Addie, honey, can you tell me what happened?"<br/>"Mark.." She squeezed his hands, holding onto them as if her life depended on it.<br/>"Yeah, Addie, I'm here. Talk to me, please. Let me help."<br/>"He's here..." Her voice was barely a whisper, but her two words hit him like a train. His blood immediately boiled with emotions. He didn't even know he could feel so many emotions at once until now. He wanted to pick Addison up and rush her home, he wanted to kill the man who did this to her, he wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. Why must life be so unfair to the woman who deserved the world?!<br/>"He's here.." Derek repeated her words, letting them sink in. He was in disbelief as well.<br/>"Yeah, the man who raped me is here at the hospital."<br/>	All three were taken back. Addison had never said that word out loud, not to them at least. They were all aware about what happened but never really used the R word. It seemed...well, it was a big word for only being four letters.<br/>"I'm taking you home."<br/>"Mark, I have patients."<br/>"Karev can handle it."<br/>"I can't just leave."<br/>"Yes, you can."<br/>"Addie, I agree with Mark. You should take the rest of the day off."<br/>"Really Derek?! Now you're agreeing with Mark?!"<br/>"Addie, you were having a panic attack not too long ago!"<br/>"I'm fine now."<br/>"No!" Mark was actually yelling now. "I'm not letting you stay here when he's here. We're going home, I'm taking care of you. I'm protecting you!"<br/>	Addison was quiet for a long moment. Mark yelling startled her, she wasn't expecting him to get so worked up. He held tears in his eyes, looking away every time one would slip and slide down his cheek. He was pacing around the room as they argued, she couldn't tell if his face displayed more pain or more anger. She tried thinking back to the last time she saw him like this, then realized she never had.<br/>"Okay.." She said softly. <br/>Mark turned, ready to argue with her more the convince her to leave, then realized she had actually agreed. <br/>"Okay?"<br/>She nodded, looking at him with tears in her eyes. "I want to go home."<br/>Mark kisses the top of her head. "I'm gonna go talk to the chief, I'll be right back."</p><p>	Mark closed the door behind him and took a moment to himself. He needed to be strong, strong for Addison. She needed him, and he promised he would be there for her. He promised he would protect her. But right now, right now he needed a moment to let himself feel but he was really feeling. He let the tears stream down his cheek.  God he loves that woman, he loves that woman with his entire heart. He loves Addison with his entire being. He wanted to fix this, he wanted to take her pain away, he wanted to give her all the happiness in the world, everything she deserved. <br/>	Derek walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. He looked at Mark for a moment to studied the state his friend was in. Barely holding it together he assumed. <br/>"Alex is with her." Derek told him before he could protest about leaving Addison alone. Mark replied with a nod. <br/>Mark gently rubbed his hands over his face and took a deep breath. <br/>"I could kill him." Mark said softly. "I want to, I mean, he deserves it for what he did."<br/>"Just take her home Mark, take her home and be with her."<br/>"How could he do that to her?! To her!"<br/>"He's in the hospital right now with a stab wound, he's paying for his crimes."<br/>	Derek placed his hand on Marks shoulder to comfort him. He was  starting to realize just how much Mark loved Addison. A small part of him was angry that out of all the women Mark had been with, it was Addison that he fell for. But he was glad that Addison had someone who cared so deeply for her to be there for her through all this. Another part of him couldn't understand why Addison had called Mark and not him. They may have been separated but Derek was the better man, he could have helped her. <br/>"She called you..." Derek said softly.<br/>"What?"<br/>"Addison called you that night.."<br/>"Derek, don't start with this."<br/>"I could have helped her.."<br/>"Its not about you! This isn't about you! It's not about us, or what happened in New York. This is about Addison."<br/>"I know, I'm sorry.."<br/>They both sighed and let the silence take over for a moment before Mark finally spoke up.<br/>"She needed someone to show up for her.,"<br/>"I show up..."<br/>"Not for Addison, you don't."<br/>	Before Derek could say anymore Mark walked away, leaving Derek to process what he said. Derek showed up. He was sure of it. He was a good man. He showed up, and he showed up for Addison. There were plenty of times...right? He thought back and..well, okay so maybe he didn't show up for her in Seattle, but things were complicated here. New York for sure. Right...? The more he thought about, the more he realize that he was wrong. He was never there for Addison. His heart started breaking, he started to realize why Mark fell in love with Addison, and why she turned to him. Every birthday, he sent Mark to her while he stayed at work, every date night he missed and sent Mark. He was never there, and Mark always was. Addison needed someone she could count on, and Derek wasn't that man, he hadn't been that man for awhile. <br/>"Karev, I'm gonna stay with Addison until Mark comes back, you can go." Derek said as she walked back into the room. <br/>Alex nodded and stood up. "I um-let me know if you need anything Dr. Montgomery."<br/>Addison gave him a small smile. "Thank you Karev."<br/>Derek waited until Alex was gone before speaking again.<br/>"You called Mark."<br/>"Excuse me?"<br/>"That night, you called Mark."<br/>"Derek, now really isn't-"<br/>	"Just listen, please. I need to say this, I need you to hear this. You called Mark that night. You needed someone to show up. You needed someone who would be there for you. And that was him. That has been him. Even when it should have been me. I wasn't that guy for you Addie. All those birthdays you planned, I sent Mark, all the date nights I missed and Mark showed up to, all the bad days you had Mark was there instead of me. You called Mark that night because you knew he would be there for you, and you couldn't say the same about me. I'm so sorry Addie. I'm so sorry for being absent, I'm so sorry for blaming you, and I'm so sorry I can't do more for you now." <br/>	Addison was speechless. This was the last thing she expected Derek to tell her, especially now. It was a lot to take in. She had waited a long time for this moment, the moment Derek apologize and realized he too was in the wrong. Addison had always taken the blame for their failed marriage. She was the one that cheated, she was the one that caused the most pain. But Derek wasn't innocent. He caused his fair share of pain. Granted their marriage was over and they let go of the past, it was nice to hear the words she had wanted to hear so badly in the past.<br/>"Thank you Derek."<br/>Derek sat beside her and put his arm around her, allowing her to lean against and relax in his embrace.</p><p>	Addison stripped from her work clothes the second they got to their room, immediately putting on pajama's and crawling into bed, where she allowed her feelings to finally hit her. She let everything that she had kept bottled up out. She broke down in a sob. Mark rushed to her side and pulled her into his arms. Addison held onto and sobbed until she didn't have anything left in her. Mark swore he held her for hours before she cried herself to sleep. He even allowed himself to cry a couple times. How could be watch the woman he loves go through much and not feel pain for her. <br/>	Addison woke up hours later in an empty bed. She sat up and looked around the room for Mark. Her bed was empty and so was their room. He was gone. Where could he have gone? Why didn't he leave a note like he usually does? Did her break down scare him off? She ran her fingers through her red hair and took a deep breath to calm herself down. Just then the door opened and Mark walked through with two bags in his hand and a giant bouquet of roses. The sight put a goofy big grin on Addison's face.<br/>"Mark..."<br/>"You're awake!"<br/>"Yeah...whats all that?"<br/>"Umm..I wanted to do something for you, something nice. So i went out and got you roses...and Chinese food...and the Jurassic Park collection...and now that I'm saying this out loud it sounds really stupid and more like a cheesy valentines day gesture then a nice pick-me up so I-"<br/>Mark was cut off by Addison's lips against his. The kiss was soft and sweet, but more then enough to make his heart melt. When they pulled away Addison was smiling at him, a genuine happy smile, that made him smile.<br/>"Its perfect, I love it." She slid one of her hands to his cheek and kissed him again. "Thank you." <br/>"I-" I love you. That's what he wanted to say. But he stopped himself. Now wasn't the time. That's not what she needed. He smiled at her. "You're welcome Red."<br/>	Addison put on one of the movies as Mark set up their dinner. They sat quietly and ate as they watched the movie. Usually Mark had his attention more focused on her rather on whatever else was going on. But this time, Addison had her attention focused on Mark. Her mind filled with thoughts of him, on their history, on what Derek said. She thought of what it would have been like for her if she called Derek that night. The funny thing was she couldn't even imagine that. She couldn't picture Derek doing what Mark did for her. Not saying that he wasn't a good man, he was, and that he wasn't capable of supporting someone through something like this, he was. Just not her. She thought of how much Mark had grown as a person, as a man, since New York. She thought of all the things he had done for her in her recovery. She was blown away by the man sitting beside her.<br/>"Thank you."<br/>Mark looked at her confused by her sudden words. "You already thanked me for the food and movies, but you're welcome."<br/>"No, not for that. I mean, I did love that and am thankful for that. But that's not what I meant. Thank you, for being with me, through everything. For all you done. I don't- I couldn't have survived this without you. So thank you."<br/>"Addie..."<br/>"Derek apologized to me today. For this part in our divorce."<br/>"He did?"<br/>"He said he knew I didn't call him because he was absent, he admitted that he was never there for me and you were."<br/>"Look, Red you don't-"<br/>"He's right. I called you that night because I needed someone to be there for me, to show up for me. I needed someone to support me, and just...I needed someone to just be there. And that was you. You were the only person I knew could do that for me. And you did. But you did so much more."<br/>They both softly smiled at her words.<br/>"When I saw him today at the hospital, my heart stopped. Its like everything that I worked through had just vanished and I was back in that hotel room with him again. I couldn't breath, I couldn't move. I was just so scared. And all I could think was that I needed you. I knew you would make everything better, I knew you would make me feel safe. You're my safe place."<br/>	Mark couldn't help the smile that took hold of his lips. When he first got to Seattle, Addison wanted nothing to do with him, telling him almost daily to go home. Now, she's was telling him that she needed him and he was her safe place. <br/>"I love you Addison. I'll always keep you safe."<br/>	He said it. Earlier it thought it wasn't the time or place, but now it seemed different. He still worried after it said it though. Hoping it wouldn't send her running or end with her slapping him in the face. But instead she smiled, even blushes a little bit. <br/>"Always."</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6. Ocean Eyes.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as always, sorry for missed spelling/grammar errors. also-thank you so so so much for all the love and support on this story. y'all are so motivating. I love writing Maddison. After I finish this one, I'm thinking of writing a Merddison one?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[I've been watching you for some time, can't stop staring at those ocean eyes. Burning cites, and napalm skies, fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes. Your ocean eyes.]</p><p> </p><p>Mark gently stroked Addison's hair as she slept. He needed to get out of bed and start getting ready for work but he couldn't bring himself to leave her. Not just yet. It was rough getting Addison to sleep that night. She experienced a roller-coaster of emotions. She would be calm and cuddly for a bit, enjoying the movie he had put on for them, then she would let her thoughts run wild about her attacker in the hospital and start panicking and crying. <br/>	It was heart breaking for Mark. The hardest part was when she finally opened up about the night. She explained to him everything that happened, everything that sick bastard did. It made him sick to his stomach, from disgust and from rage. The other thing that was hardest for him was hearing Addison say how she blamed herself. </p><p>"Its my karma.." She had said. "I deserved it for how I hurt Derek, and how I hurt you. It was my punishment.."</p><p>	It killed Mark that she thought that. Yes, she hurt Derek by cheating, and she hurt him by having an abortion and leaving for Seattle. But they hurt her too. Derek hurt her by ignoring her for so long and being absent and neglectful, then again when he accept her by but ignored her again and payed all his attention to Meredith Grey. Mark hurt by cheating on her...several times. They all hurt each other. None of them were innocent. And Addison certainly didn't deserve to be raped. </p><p>	Mark promised her she didn't deserve what happened. And he promised to tell her that every single day until she believed it. He held her all night and told her every single thing he loved about her until she fell asleep. He wished Addison could see herself how she saw her. Maybe then she would understand how special and incredible she was. She would see how she changed him. Sure, he was a man whore. Was being the key word. He was one. But now, now he wanted the whole thing, he wanted the 'I do's', the anniversaries, the house with the big yard for their kids to play. All of it. And he wanted it with Addison. </p><p>	Addison started to wake up, smiling softly when she felt Marks gentle touch as she awoke. "mmm, what time is it?" She asked as she stretched her arms a bit. </p><p>"5:35 in the morning."<br/>"Oh my gosh, I should have been up a half hour ago!"<br/>"You're going to work?"<br/>"Of course I am."<br/>"Are you sure that's a good idea?"<br/>"Mark..."<br/>"I'm just saying that after yesterday maybe staying home might be good..."</p><p>	Addison sighed and reached out to him, putting her hand on top of his. "Mark, look, I really appreciate you being so protective of me. I really do. Its sweet, and comforting, and its helped me more then I can say. I'm safe with you and you have proven that to me time and time again. But I can't hide behind you forever, I can't hide in this room forever. I can't let what happened control me. I need to get back to my life. I need to keep living. And to do that I need to work." </p><p> 	Mark nodded, as much as he wanted to protect Addison and hide her away from the cruelties of the world, he knew she was right. Addison wanted her independence and strength back and he needed to let her have it. <br/>"Fine Red, but I'm still going to hover."<br/>Addison smiled and rolled her eyes. "Fine."<br/>Mark smiled and kisses the top of her head before they parted ways to get ready for the day.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, I overheard you talking to Bailey about what happened to Addison, you could have told me you know.." </p><p>	Derek shook his head at Meredith's sentence. No, he couldn't. It wasn't his place to tell anyone, and he knew Addison, he knew Addison wouldn't want anyone to know. He wasn't surprised when she didn't even want to go to the hospital that night. Addison was fierce, she was one of the strongest people Derek had ever met. She hated people seeing her cry, seeing her weak. People knowing about what happened to her would only make things harder. </p><p>"No, I couldn't. That would have been hurtful to Addison."<br/>"I get that. I'm sorry, about what happened, about everything. Is she okay?"<br/>Derek sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know..."<br/>"I mean, she seems like she's handling things well.."<br/>"Addison is a warrior, she wouldn't let anyone see her hurting."<br/>"Derek..."<br/>"And now I have to go tell her that her rapist died in surgery this morning."<br/>"Do you want me to come with you?"<br/>"No. She's only going to want Mark there."</p><p>	 Meredith nodded in understanding, wrapping her arms around Derek to give him a comforting hug. She could see how shaken up Derek was. He had no clue how he was going to break the news to Addison, or how she was going to take it. She had been put through enough, too many emotions thrown at her, and now he had to add to that. </p><p> </p><p>"Mark!" Derek jogged down the hall to catch up with his friend.<br/>Mark paused to allow his friend to catch up to him. He smiled, expecting to make small talk or gossip with his friend, but his smile soon faded when Derek was standing next to him with a defeated look on his face.<br/>"Whats going on? Is Addison okay?!"<br/>"Jason Sullivan died during surgery this morning."<br/>"Addie's attacker didn't make it..."<br/>"No, there was too much damage. I couldn't stop the bleeding..."</p><p>	Mark took a deep breathe, trying to figure out exactly how he felt. The news was overwhelming. He wanted the man dead, he deserved to die for what he did to Addison. He felt that the moment he saw Addison sitting there broken on the hotel floor. And after hearing every he had done to her, he was almost sure he could have killed him himself. But now, it was an odd unsettling feeling. He was relieved, which made him feeling guilty. Someones death shouldn't be a relief. A patients death shouldn't be a relief. But it was.</p><p>"Don't tell Addison."<br/>"Mark..."<br/>"Not yet."<br/>"She needs to know."<br/>"And she will. I'm gonna tell her. I'm gonna tell her tonight. But she should be able to get through her day without him. She deserves to have a normal day at work. Normal is important to her."<br/>Derek nods. "Let me know how it goes, please? I'd like to know if shes okay."</p><p>	There wasn't a lot Mark could do for her. He couldn't take her pain away, he couldn't undo that night, he couldn't heal her heart. But he could give her moments. He could give her moments of happiness, moments of ease, moments where things were normal. So that's what he would do. Addison wanted things to go back to normal. So he was going to allow her to get through her day without her attacker taking that from her.</p><p>[No fair, you really know how to make me cry when you gimme those ocean eyes, I'm scared, I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes, those ocean eyes.]</p><p>	Addison got home late, sighing as she walked through the door, she immediately took her heels off. Her day had been long, surgery after surgery, delivery after delivery, she almost lost a new born-twice! But she wasn't complaining, overall it had been a successful day, busy but successful. So busy she almost forgot the her rapist was at the Seattle Grace. Which made her busy day even better, she didn't have time to think about him. She didn't have to think about how he was rooms away, she didn't have to think about how he could recover and find her again. <br/>	But now she was home, able to relax and let her mind wounder. She took a deep breath, running her fingers through her red hair.</p><p>"Long day?"<br/>Addison turned to the voice behind her, giving Mark a sweet, small smile. "Just busy."<br/>"Addie...we need to talk."<br/>"That sounds serious."<br/>Mark sits down next to Addison, taking one of her hands in his, "Addie..."<br/>"What? Are you breaking up with me?" She said teasingly, trying to lighten the tension the ones in the air. Mark could tell the she was nervous but trying to hide it. She would always make silly jokes when she was nervous.<br/>"Its about Jason Sullivan...you're attacker..."<br/>Addison flinched at his name, holding on slightly tighter to Mark's hand. <br/>"He died during surgery today."<br/>"He died...?"<br/>"Yeah.."<br/>"He's gone.."<br/>"He's gone."</p><p> 	Addison went quiet after that. Her thoughts and feelings were loud, and confusing, and overwhelming. She let go of Marks hand to bury in face in her hands. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes in attempts to calm herself. An attempt that was failing. She felt Mark put his hand on her back to comfort her. </p><p>"Addie, talk to me.."<br/>"I can't..." She told him softly, her voice breaking as she tried to keep herself from crying.<br/>"Yes, you can, you know you can. How are you feeling? Whats going on Red?"<br/>"I don't know.."<br/>"You don't know?"</p><p>	She sat up suddenly, looking at him with an angry look on her face. "I don't know! I don't know how I feel because I feel about a thousand different things! Someone is dead! Someone's someone died today. That should be sad! I should feel sad because a human being lost their life. But I feel relief. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. Because that someone who died happened to be my rapist! So because I feel relief I also feel guilty. And I feel guilty because for the last several months I have been wishing him dead for what he did to me...and now..."</p><p>	By the time Addison finished her rant she was sobbing, she didn't even realized she had started crying. She placed her hands on her hips and looked down in a failed attempted to hide the tears streaming down her cheeks, tears that she knew Mark had clearly already seen and were well aware of. He stood up and went to pull Addison into a hug, which she put one of her arms out to protest against.</p><p>"Red..."<br/>She was silent.<br/>"Addison, honey..."</p><p>	Silence again. Mark paused for a moment before trying to comfort her again. He gently placed his hand on her arm, waiting for her to reject his touch again. When she didn't, he pulled her into his arms, letting her melt against him and cry into his chest.  		<br/>"You're okay, its okay, I got you Red, you're okay."	</p><p>[I've been walking through a world gone blind, can't stop thinking about your diamond mind, careful creatures made friends with time. He left her lonely with a diamond mind, and those ocean eyes.]</p><p>	He stood there and let her cry until he felt her legs get tired. He picked her up and carried her to bed. Addison didn't remember much after that, she must have fallen asleep. She woke up hearing Mark's voice in the distance. She mentally lectured herself for allowing herself to cry so much, she was paying for it now with the headache she had woken up with. She sat up, reaching for her purse to get the little Advil bottle she had. </p><p>"She's awake, let me call you back." He said softly before hanging up.<br/>"Way to be discreet Mark."<br/>"That was Derek, he just wanted to check in on you and see how you're doing."<br/>"Just peachy."<br/>"Addie..."<br/>"Sorry, I shouldn't be snippy, especially with you."<br/>Mark sits next to her and gently rubs her back. "Hey, it's okay."<br/>"No, no its not. Aren't you tired of telling me that..."<br/>"No. I'm not." His voice was stern and certain, causing Addison to look up and allow their eyes to finally meet.<br/>"I will tell you it's okay until you feel okay, until you believe its okay. And I will happily do it Addison. Because it is okay, because you will be okay, because I am right here to make sure of it."<br/>"Mark, I don't want to be a burden..."<br/>"You, Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery, could never be a burden to me, ever."</p><p>	Addison couldn't help but blush at his words. With her lack of emotional stability right now, it was hard to not feel like a burden. Not to mention that Mark always had to pick her up and put her back get together after she broke. He took care of her when her and Derek with having issues, he took care of her after Derek left her in New York, and he was taking care of her now. She always worried that he would get sick of her, that she would turn into a burden to him. Last time, he cheated, so she assumed she was right. He got sick of her and turned to another woman...women. But this time, he stayed by her side, and never once seemed bother by it. So when he looked at her and told her that she wasn't a burden to him, this time she actually believed him. </p><p>Addison put her hand against his cheek and smiled at him. "You are a good man Mark Sloan."<br/>"Hey, we both have the next two days off, how about we do something fun?"<br/>"I'm not having sex with you Mark." Addison told him teasingly.<br/>"I'll have you know that I know how to have fun with my clothes on."<br/>She laughed which caused him to smile. "I'll believe it when I see it."<br/>"Oh you will. Tomorrow. I'm going to have a whole day planned for us."<br/>"Are you now?"<br/>"Oh I am. So prepare for lots of fully clothed fun."</p><p>Mark had a playful but innocent smirk on his face, one that Addison couldn't help but smile at. She was actually genuinely excited to spend the day with Mark tomorrow. A day that wasn't spent hiding in their room or him holding her as she cried. A day out, having fun, doing whatever he had planned.</p><p>[No fair, you really know how to make me cry when you gimme those ocean eyes. I'm scared, I've never fallen from quite this high, falling into your ocean eyes, those ocean eyes.]</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 7, Invisible Strings.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>as always, thank you for the love and support, and sorry for any errors.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Green was the color of the grass where I used to  read at Centennial Park, I used to think I would somebody there. Teal was the color of your shirt when you were 16 at the yogurt shop, you used to work to make a little money.]</p><p>	Mark let her sleep in that morning, lucky for him Addison's idea of sleeping in was 8am. He made her breakfast and they ate together on the balcony of their room, enjoying the rare rainless morning. Their morning was peaceful and quiet until Mark told her to get ready and dress casual, Addison's least favorite description for what to wear. She wasn't a woman of casual. She huffed and muttered as she went through her clothes, occasionally snapping at Mark "what does that even mean?!". To which he was reply with an eye roll and tell her something comfortable to walk around in. <br/>	As frustrating as it was waiting for her to get ready and putting up with her irritation for his wardrobe requirements, Mark loved every second of it. This was classic Addison. Any moment Addison had the she was being undeniably herself he appreciated, even if it was at his expense. Because though she was mumbling under her breath and making him roll his eyes, Mark was smiling the whole time.<br/>	Addison settled on green dress with heels, she swore that this was casual for her and that since the heels weren't stilettos they were casual and comfortable. Mark couldn't help but laugh, and also stare a bit. He tried not to, he really did, but Addison wasn't someone that you couldn't not stare. She was art, a master piece. She was beautiful, so insanely, breath takingly beautiful. </p><p>	Mark took her to get coffee first, which was always a nice way to start the day. He knew Addison required at least two cups of coffee in the morning, and that the one that she had at the room earlier wasn't going to be enough of the door. Next, they went to the zoo. Which Addison teased him about, saying it was childish and they weren't teenagers. But Mark told her to suck it up and just have fun. Which, much to her surprise, she did.<br/>	As much as Addison had teased him, she had an amazing time. She felt like a little kid with how excited she got over seeing all the animals but it was nice getting lost in her happiness. She couldn't remember the last time she went to the zoo, she also couldn't remember the last time someone took her on a date. Not that this was a date. Because it wasn't. Right? Mark never said it was a date...they never labeled it as a date. But if Addison was being honest it felt like a date. A good date. A really good date.  <br/>	They were half way through when Mark decided it was time for them to stop for lunch. They walked a little further until they came across a restaurant there, The Rain-forest Cafe, which Addison said was a cute name so it must have promising food.  Mark walked her over to an empty table and pulled her chair out for her to sit down before going to order them food. <br/>	Addison smiled to herself, thinking about how much fun she was having. And with Mark of all people. Today was such a breath of fresh air for her. She never knew that her perfect not-really-a-date date would be the zoo with Mark Sloan. But it was.  Addison never knew that behind all the sexual comments, dirty jokes, and player life style, Mark was a charming gentleman. <br/>	He came back a little while later with a tray of food for them and a hat for Addison that he put on as he sat down. She made a face when he placed it on her head. "What is this?"</p><p>"A hat."</p><p>"When did you get me a hat?"</p><p>"When I was waiting for them to make our sandwiches."</p><p>"Okay. Why did you get me a hat?"</p><p>"Because we've been outside all day and I thought it would look good on you. And I was right."</p><p>Addison tried to look annoyed with him but she smiled instead. </p><p>"Its a baseball hat with a little otter on it. Its cute. And the otters were your favorite."</p><p>"I did love the otters a lot."</p><p>	Half way through their meal Addison decides to speak up about whats been on her mind through out the day. She was never good at keeping her thoughts to herself. </p><p>"Is this a date?"</p><p>"Do you want it to be a date?"</p><p>"Well, I'm just saying, it feels like a date. We've done date like things."</p><p>"Date like things?"</p><p>"Yeah...you've had your arm around me, you bought me lunch and a hat, you held my hand when we were by the giraffes. Date like things."</p><p>"Oh..well, I didn't really intend for it to be a date...I just wanted to cheer you up, I wanted you to be happy."</p><p>"Oh..." Addison looked down, trying to hide the disappointed look that she hadn't expected to show on her face. Mark's answer was still sweet and caring. It was a good answer. She loved that he went out of his way to make sure she had a good day after having a rough week. She didn't think that him saying it wasn't a date would upset her. <br/>"Addie, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." Mark said, reaching over the table to hold her hand.</p><p>"No, it's okay. Don't be sorry. It's really nice of you to do that for me, thank you."</p><p>"Do you want this to be a date?"</p><p>"What? No. It's fine, really."</p><p>"Red..."</p><p>"Mark, seriously. It's fine. Lets finish eating, the big cats are next and I wanna see the tigers."</p><p>	Mark nodded. He sat for a moment thinking over their short conversation that just happened as Addison finished her lunch. Of course he wanted this to be a date. He came to Seattle for Addison. Well, technically a case but mainly for Addison. He definitely stayed in Seattle for Addison. He loves her, and he has loved her for so long. How could she not know that he wanted this to be a date? He just didn't want to pressure her after everything that's happened. He decided to just rip the bandaid off and tell her that. He wanted to be honest with her, and he wanted her to be honest with him. </p><p>"I want this to be a date."</p><p>Addison looked up from her food, clearly surprised by his sudden out burst of words.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I want this to be a date. I didn't plan today intending it to be a date. I don't want to pressure you or put any expectations on you or anything like that after everything you've been through. I just-I just want to do right by you. I just want to make sure that you're okay and that you're happy. You should be happy, you deserve to be happy. I just want whats best for you.  But yeah, of course I want this to be a date."</p><p>	Addison gazed at him with a smile. She hated herself for thinking this, but in that moment, after his sweet explanation, she couldn't help but think that maybe Mark was her McDreamy.</p><p>"I want this to be a date too."</p><p>"Okay. This is a date then."</p><p> </p><p>[Time, curious time, gave me no compasses, gave me no signs. Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think, all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?]</p><p> </p><p>	 Mark never realized what a cat person Addison was until now. It didn't matter if it was a massive lion, giant tiger, or big leopard, the redhead found them all to be 'cute'. She would walk up to the glass and talk to the wild animal as if it was just a house cat. Mark would smile and chuckle every time she did it. He was relieved to see that Addison was enjoying herself so much. He knew that the Zoo was silly and somewhat cheesy idea but also new that girls were animal lovers and that Addison secretly loved cheesy. He was happy that his decision worked out well.</p><p>	 Very well actually. Mark spent more of his time looking at Addison then he did the animals. He felt a little<br/> weird about how often he caught himself staring at her. He didn't want to be rude, or creepy, or anything of the sort. But he was captivated by how genuinely happy she looked. She was smiling nearly the whole time they were there. Except when they got to the reptile portion of the Zoo, which she made them skip. But other then her small moment of disgust over the idea of snakes, Addison seemed truly happy, she was truly enjoying their date. Their date. He was on a date with Addison. That made Mark smile. </p><p>	Two more hours and they had fully seen everything there. Addison went to the bathroom before their drive back and Mark used that opportunity the sneak into the gift shop to surprise Addison with one more silly gift. A giant stuffed otter. They started their date cheesy, might as well end their date being cheesy. The second Addison saw the stuffed animal in Marks arms she laughed, making Mark yet against pleased with his decision. </p><p>"Mark! Seriously?" She chuckled and rolled her eyes teasingly.</p><p>"What? You don't like him?"</p><p>"I never said that."</p><p>Mark handed the otter to Addison and put his arm around her. <br/>"Are we 16?" She raised her eyebrow at him but happily held onto the stuffed animal he had gotten her. </p><p>"Just for today." He kissed the top of her head. "Now lets get dinner."</p><p>"Are we going out or eating in? Because I have hat hair now."</p><p>"I'm guessing that means we're eating in."</p><p>"Well, no. We can go out if you want. Did you have anything planned?"</p><p>Mark looks at her and smiles. "Don't worry Red,  eating in sounds perfect. I'll save the fancy dinner for our second date."</p><p>"What makes you think I would say yes to a second date?"</p><p>"Guess I'll be returning this..." He said tugs at the otter in her hands which she quickly moves out of his reach. <br/>"Don't you dare!" </p><p>Mark chuckles and pulls her closer to him.</p><p>"Obviously there is going to be a second date."</p><p>He leans down and places a soft kiss on her lips. "Damn right there is."</p><p> </p><p>[Bad was the blood of the song in the cab on your first trip to LA, you ate at my favorite spot for dinner. Bold was the waitress on our three-year trip getting lunch down by the lakes. She said I looked like an American singer. Time, mystical time, cutting me open, then healing me fine. Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me?]</p><p> </p><p>   	After dinner they laid in bed together, sticking to their 'sixteen years old' theme and making out in the bed like horny teenagers. Addison was the one that started it and Mark let her take the lead. He wanted Addison to explore her wants and needs, but didn't want to push her to do anything she wasn't ready for. Besides, he found it hot when Addison took charge in the bedroom. Addison was loving every second of their steamy make out session. Marks hand touching her body in a gently but romantic way felt amazing, their bodies pressed together felt amazing. A part of her was sad that this is all she was ready to do but another part of her was proud that she had gotten this far without freaking out. </p><p>	They pulled apart to catch their breath, both looking at one another with grins on their face. Mark looked into her eyes, brushing her red hair out of her face. </p><p>"You are so beautiful Addison."</p><p>She looked away and smiled at his words. </p><p>"I want to..."</p><p>"Addison.."</p><p>"I want to. I want to have sex with you. Especially after today, it was so perfect. But...I'm still not ready...I'm sorry."</p><p>"Addison.." Mark put his finger under her chin and lifted her head so their eyes connected again, then he gently stroked her cheek. "That's okay. I wasn't expecting you to. I am perfectly fine with waiting until you're ready. I'm happy with our really hot make out sessions in bed." </p><p>Addison chuckles but Mark keeps talking to reassure her.</p><p>"I love you Addison. Please don't feel pressured to say it back. I'm not saying it to pressure you. So say it when you're ready, say it when and if you feel the same. I'm telling you this because that's how I truly, I love you. You're not some game to me, you're not some ego boost or fun chase. It's not about sex. You're never just sex. I'm serious about you. You're the real deal. I'm telling you this because you should know that I'm okay waiting. I'm okay sitting by your side helping you heal. I'm happy taking you on cheesy dates and eating taking out with you. So please, don't apologize."</p><p>	And just when Addison thought Mark couldn't get any dreamier and perfect to her, he says that. She had to admit that she was surprised by the three words he told her. It was a lot. A little overwhelming. But the words the followed that made her heart swell. In a good way though. In a speechless, good way. She pressed her lips against his, replying to his reassurance with a kiss. This one different then their previous steamy ones. This was one was slow and passionate, showing that she was serious too.</p><p>"Thank you." She said softly, her hand against his cheek as she smiled at him.</p><p>"You're welcome Red."</p><p>"No Mark, seriously. Thank you. Thank you for loving me, for helping me, for taking care of me, for waiting for me. For everything. I'll get there. I'm getting there."</p><p>	His smile grew bigger, understanding what she meant at the end when she was getting there.  He swore his heart was smiling too.  He liked this new 'them'. This wasn't how it was in New York. He loved her in New York but they were different there. Their conversations were minimal, never heart felt. They covered up confrontation with sex. But this, this felt real, and honest. They had a serious connection now, they had a real chance of being something. Mark swore to himself he wasn't going to fuck it up this time. He wasn't going to let himself lose her again. </p><p>	Addison was surprised by how fast she grew feelings for Mark. She wasn't ready to say love. After Derek, that word scared her quite a bit. But she would foolish to deny how strong they were. A part of her felt a little bad by how little she mourned her divorce. Though in her defense she was suddenly occupied with other unforeseen troubles. Troubles that had her sadly forget about her divorce. By the time she remember, it seemed so far in the past. In this moment, for the first time after all the drama, tragedy and heart break, Addison felt hopeful. </p><p> </p><p>[A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms right into the dive bar, something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons. One single thread of gold tied me to you.]</p><p> </p><p>	Their second date was two days later. They were rarely off early and decided to take advantage the occasion. This time, Marks suggestion of wardrobe was 'dress nice', which Addison enjoyed hearing much more then casual. Though he was sure to add that it didn't matter what she wore, he always thought she looked nice. Which she teased him about being a secret romantic but was also sure that she thanked him. Though she wasn't the best at accepted compliments (given she wasn't used to receiving them), she appreciated that Mark always commented on her looks. Derek had stopped years ago, even when she tried desperately to get this attention, she never noticed. Mark however, was the opposite. His attention was always on her. Outfit change, hair style, casual, or dressed up, Mark noticed. And loved everything. Which was probably one of her favorite things about him, she always felt seen.  </p><p>"I hear you have a date tonight?"</p><p>Addison looked up from her patients chart to see Derek leaning on his chart, giving her disapproving look.</p><p>"You've been talking to Mark about me?"</p><p>"You didn't answer my question."</p><p>"You didn't answer mine." Addison glanced up at him, sending him a glare through the frame of her sunglasses. </p><p>"Only a little." Derek said, giving her his classic sideways grin.</p><p>Addison sighed, closing the chart and giving him her full attention.</p><p>"Yes, not that its any of your business, I have a date tonight."</p><p>"Are you sure you're ready to date?"</p><p>"Is this a divorce thing or a rape thing?" Addison snapped at him, annoyed by his question.</p><p>	She immediately regretted snapped at Derek. She knew he meant well and that his concern was only coming from a caring place, she just hated being pitied and treated like she was fragile. She was used to being strong, independent, fierce even. She wanted that back, she wanted people to see her like that again. Not like some broken porcelain doll. </p><p>"Sorry..."</p><p>"Addie, you know what I meant right? I care, that's all."</p><p>"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just not used to all the...worry, and pity..I guess."</p><p>Derek nods, putting his hand on her back to comfort her. "Its not pity Addison, its love."</p><p>Addison flashes him a soft smile in response.</p><p>"And no, I'm not ready date. But its Mark. Mark is different though."</p><p>Derek couldn't help but chuckle, and Addison smiled, knowing exactly what he was thinking.</p><p>"I know. It's weird and kind of not believable. He's...Mark. But he's also...he's just...different."<br/>"Until you found a nurse in your bed...or two."</p><p>	Derek meant it as a joke but he could tell that the smile on Addison's face was forced. He had forgotten that their relationship in New York ended because of that. When she had told him, he didn't care at the time. He was hurt about the news of their relationship continuing. But now, things were different. They were all different. He could tell that the connection between his friend and his ex wife was real, they truly cared about each other. The past was in the past and he had Meredith now, so he just wanted the best for Mark and Addison.</p><p>"All jokes aside, he does care about you Addie. He really cares."</p><p>She forces another smile and nods. "I hope so."</p><p>"Enjoy  your date tonight, you deserve it." He kisses her cheek before walking away. It was short and sweet, meant in a friendly way. She appreciated that they were able to remain friends after an ugly divorce.</p><p>"He used to flirt with me." Meredith spoke up, Addison hadn't noticed the blonde standing on the other side of her. <br/>"Excuse me?"</p><p>"Mark. He used to flirt with me. A lot. He would call us the dirty mistresses, and flirt with me."</p><p>Addison couldn't help but chuckle, it definitely sounded like something Mark would say. </p><p>"And he would always look at Callie's boobs every time she walked into the room."</p><p>"Where are you going with this Grey?"</p><p>"He doesn't flirt anymore. Or look at boobs."</p><p>"Oh..."</p><p>"He just looks at you."</p><p>	Addison felt a lump grow in her throat as she tried not to smile too big. She just kept repeating Meredith last five words in her head. He just looks at you. Mark only looks at her.  No young interns, no hot nurses or residents, no one. Just her. For the first time ever Mark only had his eyes on one woman, and that woman was her. <br/>"Thank you Meredith." </p><p>[Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart, now I send their babies presents. Gold was the color of the leaves when I showed you around Centennial Park. Hell was the journey but it brought me heaven.]</p><p>	Dinner was a dream. An absolute dream. It seemed too good to be real. Mark took Addison to a very nice, small Italian restaurant that was by the pier. They shared a lovely meal accompanied by a expensive bottle of wine. They shared memories, conversations both deep and casual, and laughter over dinner. After their meal, they walked down the pier after. Walking by the water, under the stars, and Marks arm around her waist, holding her close. Addison couldn't stop smiling, she had known Mark for so long and never knew that he had a sweet, romantic side. She wondered how many girls had gotten to see this side of him. </p><p>"You look so beautiful tonight."</p><p>"And you look very handsome."</p><p>"Red is a good color on you."</p><p>"You say that about every color."</p><p>"Well, that's what happens when you're super hot Addie, you look good in every color."</p><p>Addison playfully swats his chest with her hand.</p><p>"But seriously, it's a good color on you. You look incredible."</p><p>	Addison noticed his eyes grazing over her body as he took in her appearance for the night. It wasn't the first time he looked at her like that, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. She felt her cheeks blushing under his gaze. Mark had always made her feel so desirable, it was one of the many reason she found him so irresistible. His eyes on her started a fire between them. </p><p>"Is making out reserved for the bedroom only or-"</p><p>"Oh absolutely not! I'll make out with you any time, anywhere."</p><p>	Addison laughs at his instant response, not even allowing her to finish the question. She gently tugs on his jacket to pull him close and connects their lips. He moved her so she was pressed up against the railing, holding her hips as she snaked her arms around him. Their lips would dance together until they had no choice but to part for air. Addison smiled as she caught her breath, slowly running her hands up his chest until they cupped his face.</p><p>	A smirk played on Marks lips before he reconnected their lips. Addison was intoxicating, addicting, he couldn't get enough of her. Kissing her felt so good, touching her felt so good, being with her felt so good. God, how he loved her. </p><p>"You make me hopeful." She said softly, her lips hovering over his. </p><p>He smiled. "Yeah?"</p><p>Addison nods, running her fingers along his jawline. "It feels so nice to have hope again."</p><p>"I'll always give you hope Red."</p><p>Addison smiles. "Always."</p><p>[Time, wondrous time, gave me the blues then purple pink skies. And its cool, baby, with me, and isn't it just so pretty to think all there was some invisible strong tying you to me?]</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 8. Cardigan.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry for any errors. hope you enjoy this chapter. also what ship should i write next? Merddison or Addek?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Vintage tee, brand new phone, high heels on cobblestone. When you are young they assume you know nothing. Sequin smile, black lipstick, sensual politics. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]</p><p> </p><p>"I think we should have sex."</p><p>	The sudden statement by Addison took Mark by surprise. So much so that he nearly spit his drink out. It was only a couple weeks ago that Addison firmly told him she wasn't ready. And granted he would love to have intimacy brought into their relationship, his main concern was Addison and making sure she was ready and comfortable. She had worked so hard to get this far, he didn't want anything to mess that up. So as much as he wanted to, and as much as he missed it, it wasn't a priority to him. She was the only priority to him. </p><p>"Addie..."<br/>"We should have sex tonight, I'd...I'd like to have sex tonight..with you."</p><p>	Mark didn't know how to respond. Of course he wanted to have sex with Addison. God, how he wanted her so bad. He wanted to kiss her body and touch her all over and show her how incredible she is and how she should be treated. He missed the passion and fire between them. Of course he wanted that back. But he wasn't confident she was ready. He worried what how happen if they tried and she wasn't ready. However, he didn't know if it was his place to question that. Who was he to tell her if and when she's ready. </p><p>"Are you sure?"<br/>"Yes."<br/>"Its a big step Addie.."<br/>"I said I was sure Mark."<br/>"If you're absolutely sure that you're ready then okay."</p><p>	Addison nodded. She honestly wasn't sure if she was ready or not. But she was sure that she wanted to try.  She craved Mark. A lot. Alot alot.  He was hot, like ridiculously hot, to the point to was hard to concentrate around him. And she knew the sex with him was always mind blowing. They had amazing sex before. Back in New York they were dangerously sexual, as in they couldn't keep their hands off each other, they were risky with the places with the places they chose to explore each others bodies. Elevators, cabs, on call rooms, dinner tables even. They had fun. Not that she wasn't having fun with him now, she just missed the sexual fun. She wanted sexy fun back.</p><p> </p><p>[But I knew you, dancing in your Levi's, drunk under a streetlight. I knew you, hand under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better right. And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite. A friend to all is a friend to none. Chase two girls, lose the one. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]</p><p> </p><p>	They tried after dinner. Mark hesitated the entire time. It felt off to him but if Addison wanted to try then he wanted to try for her. She got onto the bed, slowly peeling her shirt and then sliding off her skirt, revealing herself to him. Mark took a long moment to appreciate the woman in front of him. Laying eyes on her never got old to him. Beautiful didn't do Addison justice. She was...perfect. So incredibly perfect. He placed his hands on her hips, looking her over one more time and smiling. </p><p>"Wow.."</p><p>	It was Marks turn to undress now. Addison tugged his shirt off, running her hands over his muscular figure. Her craving for him grew even more. She swore he had a body built by the gods themselves. She felt herself getting more comfortable with the idea of being intimate again. She was starting to think she might truly be ready. </p><p>	Addison laid back on the bed, guiding Mark on top of her. He connected their lips in a passionate kiss before moving down her body. It was then that Addison was unfortunately hit with the sudden realization that she wasn't ready. She stared at the ceiling, trying her best to hold back the tears the were fighting to fall from her eyes. She thought maybe if she just laid there, the fear and panic would pass. Maybe if she just toughed it out then it'll get better, it would get easier. But Mark noticed her breathing was heavy and it wasn't from their interaction, he immediately stopped.</p><p>"Addison...?!"</p><p>"I-I-I-I can't, I can't do this! I'm sorry, I can't..." Addison said before breaking down and sobbing. She rolled onto her side, not wanting to see Mark's reaction, afraid he would be disappointed in her. But of course, he wasn't. He reacted, as he always does, in the perfect way she needed him to. Loving and supportive.</p><p>	Mark pulled the blanket over Addison to cover her, and make sure she was comfortable. He kisses her temple before laying next to her, pulling her close against his chest and holding as she cried.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She said softly as she cried. <br/>"It's okay Red, there's nothing to be sorry for."<br/>"I just want to have sex with my boyfriend..."</p><p>"There's plenty of time for that in the future, we don't have to worry about that now. I'm so freaking happy just holding you, and eating Chinese with you, and have coffee on our balcony with you."<br/>"Mark..."<br/>"I love you Addison. I love you. Its okay. Its going to be okay."<br/>"Promise?"<br/>"I promise."</p><p>       That was the first night in a while that Addison cried herself to sleep. The next morning Mark woke up to a note from Addison saying she went to work early. He let out a sigh as he placed the note back down, knowing she went to work early to avoid him rather then to actually work. He could tell he was in for a long day.</p><p> </p><p>[But I knew you, playing hide and seek, and giving me your week ends. I knew you, heartbeat on the High Line, once in twenty lifetimes. When I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.]</p><p> </p><p> 	Addison walked down the hospital halls with Meredith Grey as she caught her up to the updates of their case. Addison listened intently as Meredith explained how their preemie baby did over night. She nodded, pleased to hear that the little girl was doing well and on the road to recovery. </p><p>	As they turned the corner, Addison saw Mark standing in the hall way talking to Derek. She quickly turned back around and turned the corner so Mark wouldn't see it, rushing to the nearest supply closet. She ran he fingers through her red hair, closing her eyes and sighing to herself. She was over reacting, she knew this. She hated that she was over reacting and she hated that she couldn't help it. </p><p>	Addison's sudden flee in the hallway didn't go unnoticed, nor did it get ignored. There was a soft knock on the door before Meredith let herself in. </p><p>"Addison? Are you okay?"<br/>"I'm fine."<br/>"Did you and Mark get in a fight or something?"<br/>"No...yes..no." </p><p>	 Meredith was silent for a moment, studying Addison's frustration. She could tell that it stemmed from embarrassment rather then anger, and her feelings were aimed toward herself rather then Mark. </p><p>"It's okay if you don't want to talk...but I am here for you if you do."</p><p>	Meredith felt it was a little weird for her to be comforting Addison, they weren't exactly friends. But they also weren't...not friends. Meredith did care for Addison, and she was concerned about her. Though it was a little weird since she was dating her ex husband, and they didn't exactly have the simplest past, Meredith liked Addison. She saw her as a good person and a good doctor, and after everything she had been through, Meredith wanted good things for her. Addison deserved good things. </p><p>	Addison hesitated to talk to Meredith. It seemed inappropriate given she was dating Derek and they weren't exactly friends. However Meredith was nice, and she did seem to say the right thing to make Addison feel better, at least she did last time. And, if she was being honest, Addison needed a friend to talk to. </p><p>"I tried having sex with Mark last night...and it didn't exactly go well.."</p><p>"oh...oh!" It took Meredith a moment a put the pieces together, realizing Addison meant it was the first time for her after the rape. </p><p>"I kinda...freaked out..before we got anywhere."<br/>"And now you're avoiding Mark?"<br/>"Yeah...I just feel so...embarrassed.."<br/>"You shouldn't though. You're reaction is completely understandable."</p><p>"I want to have sex with Mark. I should be able to have sex with Mark. He didn't hurt me, he's been nothing short of perfect to me throughout this whole thing, yet the second I lay on my back its like I'm...there all over again." </p><p>"Addison...you'll get there, you'll be ready. Maybe not now but in time."<br/>Addison nods and tries to force a smile. <br/>"Maybe you just...need to try being in control."<br/>"What?"<br/>"Sorry, I'm being out of line...it's probably dumb advice anyways."<br/>"No, please. Tell me?"<br/>"Maybe you should try being in charge...like in the bedroom. If its being on your back that triggers you, you could try something else, so you're in control."</p><p>	The smile that took hold of Addison's lips was not forced this time. The idea was genius, genius enough that it just might work. It was definitely worth a try. Addison reached out and gently squeezed Meredith's hand, grateful for her help. <br/>"Thank you Meredith, really."</p><p> </p><p>[To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. You drew stars around my scar, but now I'm bleeding. Cause I knew you stepping on the last train, marked me like a bloodstain. I knew you tried to change the ending, Peter losing Wendy. I knew you, leaving like a father, running like water. When you are young they assume you know nothing.]</p><p> </p><p>	Addison waited two weeks before trying anything again. She wanted them both to have some time to let go of what happened last time. This time was going to be different. This time she felt different. She felt confident and sure of herself. She felt excited instead of nervous. Well, she was still a little nervous, but more excited. She decided this time, she would plan something cheesy. Their previous date nights Mark had planned, they were cheesy and cute and special, now Addison wanted to plan that for Mark.</p><p>	Addison had lit a couple candles around the room, not so many that it was overwhelming and a border line fire hazard, but enough to set the mood and make it romantic. She sat in the middle of the bed waiting to greet Mark when he got home, a black silk robe tight around her and nothing else.    </p><p>	Marks jaw nearly hit the floor when he walked in and saw Addison. This was the last thing he expected to come home to tonight, though he most certainly was not complaining. </p><p>"Hey..." He said, not taking his eyes off her for a single second. <br/>"Hi.."<br/>"Whats um...whats going on?"<br/>"I thought maybe we could try again?"<br/>"Addie..."<br/>"I'm ready, I'm sure. There's just some things that need to be a little different." </p><p>	Mark walked over to Addison, who sat up in bed to greet him with a kiss. He was still worried and a little hesitant, but he did notice that Addison seemed more relaxed and comfortable. And he did appreciate the romantic setting of their room. It was cute. Not to mention Addison look incredibly sexy, it was hard to deny her. <br/>"Whatever you want Red."</p><p>	 Addison smirks, stripping Mark of his shirts and running her hands up his chest slowly, appreciating his muscular build. She kissed him passionately before fully undressing him. Being fully exposed, Mark felt it was only necessary for Addison to be as well, he reached to untie the her robe but her hand stopped him.</p><p>"I want to." She said softly. <br/>He looked somewhat confused but gave her a nod in agreement. <br/>"I want to be in control tonight."</p><p>Mark smiled, tucking a strand of Addison's red hair behind her ear. "My hot girlfriend is gonna boss me around in the bedroom tonight? I'm okay with that!"<br/>Addison chuckles. "Yeah?"<br/>"Oh hell yeah Red!"</p><p>	They exchange a deep kiss before Addison returns to navigating them in bed. "I want you to sit up against the bed frame." She whispered in this ear. Mark replied with a smirk on his lips and did as he was told. Addison then straddled his lap, reaching her hand down between them and stroking his member.  Mark moaned against her lips, loving her pleasuring touch. He told himself that he was going to focus on Addison during this to make sure she was okay, however it was hard for him not get lost in their intimacy. </p><p>	Addison then guided him inside her, gasping softly and then moaning when their bodies connected. God he felt good, so damn good. Great even, amazing. Mark gently ran both his hands through her hair.</p><p>"You good?"<br/>She quickly nodded. "So good"</p><p>	They let their hands explore each others bodies, soaking in every moment of them being together, enjoying each and every touch.  Mark put his arms around her as she rocked her hips. They were as close as they could be but somehow not close enough. They couldn't get enough of each other. Mark made sure that Addison set the pace, he followed her every move and motion. She loved it, he loved it. It was pure bliss.</p><p>	Once they both met their ecstasy, Addison collapsed on the bed next to him, softly panting from their intimacy with the a smile painted on her face. Mark kissed her forehead before pulling her into his arms. He ran his hands along his arms soothingly, then across her cheeks. Her cheek were damp with tears and fear immediately took over him. He sat up further so he could see her more.</p><p>"Addie?! Addie, whats going on?! Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!"<br/>"I'm okay Mark." She softly chuckled at his reaction, touched by how concerned he was.<br/>"You're crying!"<br/>"I'm crying because I'm okay, more then okay. I'm good, I'm happy."<br/>"What..."</p><p>	Addison rolled over so she was completely facing him. She smiled at him, placing her hand against his cheek. "I'm happy Mark, which is such an incredible feeling. When...that night happened, I didn't know if I could ever recover, I didn't think I was strong enough. And the journey was hard, and long. The nightmares, the bruising being a constant reminder, the therapy sessions twice a week. It was a lot, it was exhausting. But now I'm good. The bruises are gone, the nightmares are gone, the heavy heart is gone. And work is normal and good. And now I'm here, with you. The dates, the movies, the dinner in bed, the going out dinners, and now the sex. The sex with you. I'm happy,truly, genuinely happy. And I'm hopeful. And I love you." </p><p>	Mark's heart swelled at her speech. She was okay, she was good, she was happy. This is what he's been wanting for her, and he was so relieved she finally got there. He wanted to tell her how proud he was of her. How proud he was that she got up every morning and did her best, that she pushed herself to overcome every hurdle. He was going to tell her how amazing she was, but then she said the three words. Addison said the three words to him and left him speechless. All he could manage to do was stare at her with the biggest grin on her face, one that she could't help but chuckle at. Now he was truly, genuinely happy as well. </p><p>"Red..."<br/>"I love you Mark Sloan. And I'm okay, and happy and hopeful because of you."<br/> "Addison Forbes Montgomery!" Mark pulled her closer, still smiling as he lays kisses all over her face. "I fucking love you!"</p><p> </p><p>[But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you'd haunt all my what-ifs. The smell of smoke would hang around this long, cause I knew everything when I was young. I knew I'd curse you for the longest time, chasing shadows in the grocery line. I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired. And you'd be standing in my front porch light. And I knew you'd come back to me, you'd come back to me. And when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someones bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.]</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 9. Archer.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>alittle short but hopefully still good. finally getting to the good, cute stuff. as per use, sorry for any errors. Its 2:30am, i tried my best.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[Combat, I'm ready for combat. I say I don't want that, but what if I do? Cause cruelty wins in the movies. I've got a hundred thrown out speeches I almost said to you. Easy they come, easy they go. I jump from the rain, I ride off alone. I never grew up, its getting so old. Help me hold on to you.]</p><p> </p><p>	Mark slowly ran his hands along the curves of Addison's body. Her porcelain skin was smooth and soft, he couldn't stop touching her. Well, they couldn't stop touching each other. It had been a month since they added sex to their relationship and since then it seemed like they couldn't stop. They couldn't get enough of each other. They would good together. Sexually, obviously, that connection they always had. But now, now it was so much more. They had an emotional connection, they were bonded. At least that's how Mark felt. He hoped that Addison felt the same, or would grow to. <br/>	"My therapist wants me to talk to you." Addison said suddenly. Mark laid kisses on her bare shoulder, keeping his attention more focused on her rather then what she was saying.</p><p>"Yeah? About?"</p><p>"The assault."</p><p>	That got Mark to halt his motions. It was the last thing he was expecting her to say. His attention immediately went from what he was doing to what she was saying. Addison didn't like talking about that night. Most the time she avoided the subject completely, then if it got brought up she would say as a little as possible.</p><p>"Addison, you don't have to.."</p><p>"I do. But I also want to...I need to..."</p><p>"I know you don't like talking about it, I don't want you to be uncomfortable."</p><p>"I'm going to be uncomfortable. Its not an easy subject. But you were there that night...and it was a turning point for us...so we're kinda like in this together, and it important for me to open up to you..."</p><p>"Is that what your therapist said?"</p><p>"Yes. And she's right."</p><p>	Mark sits up in bed, pulling Addison into his arms and allowing her to relax against him. Addison allowed a moment a silence between them so she could gather her thoughts and work up the courage to speak up. She took a deep, shaky breath before she started.</p><p>"I was drunk that night. Really, stupid drunk. So when that man followed me out...I did nothing...I knew something was wrong but I was too drunk to do anything, too drunk to care. He followed me into the hotel and pushed me into my room and then everything just happened so fast, but seemed so still at the same time. When he finally left nothing seemed real, I felt so lost...and broken...disgusting..."</p><p>	 Addison paused to fight off the tears that were forming in her eyes. Mark could feel her tense up so he held her closer, rubbing circles on her back in attempts to calm her. </p><p>"I knew I needed help, I needed someone...and you were the only person that came to mind. It should have been Derek, we were married for 11 years, but it was you. It was always you. You were then one that has always kept me safe, you were the one that always showed up, you were the one that always stayed by my side. I don't know why you stayed, I've been terrible to you. I was awful to you in New York, its no wonder why you cheated. I've been awful to you here and you're still here with me..."</p><p>"Addison I-"</p><p>"Let me finish, I need to finish, you need to hear this. I know I've thank you before for helping me these past several months. But you don't understand how much you have. You were such an important part of me healing. You were truly the only hope I had. Slowly you showed how to be myself again..you showed me how to live again..how to love again. You think that it was just dinners and movies and holding me, but it was so much more to me, Mark. It solid ground for me to land when I was falling, it was light in the darkness, it was a safe place, you were my safe place. I wouldn't have gotten through this without you."</p><p>	Mark kisses then top of her head. "You give me too much credit and don't give yourself enough. You're a badass Addison, you're the strongest woman I've ever met. You got through it, I just helped."</p><p>Addison looks up at him, placing her hand against his cheek and rubbing her thumb against his skin.</p><p>"I love those ocean eyes of yours, Red."</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>      Mark stared with disbelief. He's wanted to hear those three words from her for so long, he just wasn't expecting them. She loved him. Addison Forbes Montgomery was in love with him. A big smile took hold of his lips and Addison giggled, slightly blushes at his speechless response.</p><p>"Wait, what?!"</p><p>"I love you Mark."</p><p>"You what?"</p><p>"I. Love. You."</p><p>"I'm sorry, one more time."</p><p>Addison smiled and rolls her eyes. "I'm going to take it back."</p><p>"Nope. You can't."</p><p>"I can, and I will."</p><p>"Nope, sorry Red, that's not how it works." Mark said with a smug smile on his face. </p><p> </p><p>[I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? Dark side, I search for your dark side. But what if I'm alright right here? And I cut off my nose just to spite my face, then I hate my reflection for years and years.]</p><p> </p><p>	Mark was late. It was date night and he was late. He was suppose to be home two hours ago but Addison still hadn't heard from him. She went from staring at the clock to staring at her phone as she sipped on her glass of red wine. Where was he?! Why wasn't he home?!</p><p>	Finally, she heard the door unlock, Mark was home.</p><p>"Hey Addie, sorry I'm late."</p><p>"Don't 'Addie' me! Where the hell have you been?!"</p><p>"I was in surgery."</p><p>"I called and texted you!"</p><p>"Surgery ran long, there were complications. You know how that goes."</p><p>"You were suppose to be home over two hours ago!"</p><p>"Addison. I just told you why I was late. Why are you so mad?"</p><p>"We had plans!"</p><p>"I know, and I'm sorry. But you know how work gets, we can reschedule Red."</p><p>	Mark reached out to her but she moved away. Addison knew she was being irrational. Her mind was screaming at her to stop, to back off, to just apologize and let it go. However, she did the exact opposite. Her fear was louder then her reason. Because though the rational part of her brain told her that he was in surgery, and told her that she understand because she had been there several times before, the irrational part of her brain told her that he was cheating, that he was in an on-call room with one of the nurses.  Or rather that her saying 'I love you' freaked him. Her fear was talking too loud for her to not act crazy. And as much as Addison hated to admit it (and right now she was refusing to, at least out loud to Mark), she was acting crazy.</p><p>"What the hell Addison?!"</p><p>"I was waiting for you!"</p><p>"I said I was sorry! You can't be mad at me for working!"</p><p>"Were you really working?!"</p><p>"Whats that suppose to mean?"</p><p>"You weren't off fucking some girl were you?!"</p><p>"Seriously?!"</p><p>"Were you?!"</p><p>"Where is this coming from?!"</p><p>"You're not answering my question!"</p><p>"No! I wasn't fucking anyone! I was working!"</p><p>"I don't believe you!"</p><p>"What the fuck Addison!"</p><p>"Don't lie to me!"</p><p>"I'm not lying! What is going on? Where is this coming from? I thought we were good?"</p><p>	Addison places her hands on her hips, taking a deep breath to try to keep herself from crying, which was slowly failing. She wanted to stand her ground, hoping that eventually her crazy out burst would make sense, but it wasn't. It wasn't making any sense at all. It was actually just making her look crazier. </p><p>	Her pause of words encourage Mark to try to reach out again. He hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder, when she didn't protest he tried more. He brushed her hair away from her face to see her expression. Seeing the tear she was fighting back, his anger faded away and turned to concern. </p><p>"Addie...talk to me, whats going on?"</p><p>"I don't want to get hurt..."</p><p>  "What do you mean?" Mark asked, his fingers still playing with he hair. </p><p>"I can't think when you do that.." Addison said softly, a small smile taking hold of her lips.</p><p>Mark softly chuckles, moving his hand from her hair to her cheek. "Look at me and tell me whats going on Red."</p><p>"I told you I love you and I got scared. I know you were working, I know how surgery is. But you were late and I started over thinking. I started thinking about New York and what happened with Derek, and what happened with us, and what happened with Derek here in Seattle and I just started freaking out because I can't get hurt again. You can't break my heart."</p><p>"Addison..."</p><p>"I love you Mark, please don't break my heart."</p><p>Mark pulls her into a hug, kissing the top on her head and gently rubbing her back. </p><p>"Addison Forbes Montgomery, I am so fucking in love with you, I'm not gonna mess it up this time." </p><p>"Promise?"</p><p>"Promise."</p><p> </p><p>[I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost. The room is on fire, invisible smoke. And all of my heroes die all alone, help me hold on to you. I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay.]</p><p> </p><p>	A couple weeks later Addison found herself spending the morning in front of the toilet bowl. Again. This was the fifth day in a row she had woken up sick. If that wasn't a painful give away to her circumstance then the extra exhaustion, sensitivity to smell and extra moodiness was. She flushed the toilet and leaned back against the bathroom wall, cursing Mark's name under her breath and thanking his extra early schedule this week for allowing him to miss her early morning sickness.<br/>	 Addison had planned out her life when she was a little girl. From a young age she knew she wanted to be a doctor, she wanted to get married to Mr. Right, have a big house where they would start a family. She wanted that picture perfect life. So far, from that plan, her career was the only thing she had. Her marriage went to shit, she lost both big homes she had and was currently living in a damn hotel. And, the cherry on top, she was pregnant with Mark Sloans baby. </p><p>Yup. Mark Sloan got her pregnant. Again. </p><p>[Cause they see right through me, can you see right through me? They see right through, I see right through. All the kings horses, all the kings men couldn't put me together again. Cause all of my enemies started out friends, help me hold on to you. I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay...]</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 10. Cornelia Street.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>wholesome cute maddison moments. sorry for any errors. as per use.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[we were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger then the dinks in the bar. 'I rent a place on Cornelia Street' I say casually in the car. We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go. As if the street lights pointed in an arrow head, leading us home.]</p><p> </p><p>	Addison groaned as her alarm went off. She was exhausted. Beyond exhausted. It had been a long week at work and pregnancy was already hitting her hard. It had been a little over a week since she made the realization that she was pregnant and had barely been able to keep anything down since. She felt sick constantly, her hormones were out of control, and she swore the level of tired that she was feeling was never going to go away. She could tell this was going to be a long pregnancy. </p><p>	"Addie? You feeling okay?" Mark asked as he leaned up in bed, stroking the hair away from her face. </p><p>"I think the chaos of this week is just catching up with me..."</p><p>	She lied. She felt guilty for lying to him. She could tell he was suspicious of her, and she couldn't blame him. Mark had caught her getting sick a couple mornings ago and he noticed the mood swings and lack of appetite. She told him it was just stress but she knew that lie wasn't going to be able to last long. Mark deserved to know, he needed to know. And she planned on telling him. She just needed to take a test to confirm it. Not that she didn't know, this was her job after all. But a test made it official. It made it real.</p><p>	That was Addison's issue. She didn't know if she was ready for it to be real. She wanted a baby. She always knew she wanted to be a mom. But she was scared. She had just gotten to a good place in her life. She had just let go of the pain of Derek and their divorce, she had just gotten out of the darkness of her attacked, and Mark had her were still new. They were good, and in love but they were still new, newly in a good relationship. A baby would change everything. Not to mention they were still living in a hotel.</p><p>"Are you feeling sick again? You look pale, maybe you should stay home today."</p><p>"I can't stay home today Mark. Besides, I've missed enough work."</p><p>"I'm worried about you Red."</p><p>"I'm fine."</p><p>"Addie..."</p><p>	Addison took a deep breath to shallow the rush of nausea she had rushing through her before forcing herself out of bed. "I need to get ready for work." </p><p>	Mark watched her get ready. Addison could feel his eyes on her, studying her. Studying the color of her cheeks, her balance and movements, anything and everything that would indicate how she was feeling. Which, she was still feeling sick so she knew a lot things would give that away to him, especially since he had gotten to know her so well over the past couple months. Mark knew that when she said she was fine, she wasn't, he knew that she avoided eye contact when she was upset, that she used more hand gestures when she was nervous, red velvet cupcakes and bacon cheese burgers always cheered her up but she would never ask for them because she was too afraid to suggest she stray away from her healthy eating habits. Mark knew her. </p><p>	Which was another reason Addison knew she had to tell him the truth soon. He figure it out. Hell, he already knew something was up. She would tell him. Soon. She would tell him soon. She promised herself. She just needed time. Time to stop freaking out and stop worrying. Time to work up the strength and courage to face the big step they were about to take. Time to face the change. </p><p> </p><p>[And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. And baby I get mystified by how this city screams your name, and baby I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again.]</p><p> </p><p>	Addison reminds herself to take deep breaths. Inhale, exhale. Just a couple more minutes with the patient and then she would retreat to somewhere safe to fight through the nausea. And now dizziness. Her focused breathing had been working all morning, but now with the new feeling of dizziness, it was getting hard to fight off. She could feel all the eyes on her, questioning whether she was okay or not. And if she was being honest, she was questioning that herself. But she kept fighting through it, ignoring the concern looks from the patient, her husband, and Alex Karev. </p><p>"Do you have anymore questions for me Ms. Davis?"</p><p>"Dr.Montgomery...are you okay?"</p><p>"Yes, I'm fine. Just a little headache, that's all."</p><p>"Are you sure? You look pale..."</p><p>Addison forces a smile. "I'm sure, I appreciate the concern. However, if you don't have anymore questions for me I'll be back in a couple an hour or so to check on you."  She felt bad for being short with them, but she needed to get out of the room, away from the eyes staring at her. All she could think about with sitting down and closing her eyes. All she could think about and breathing and her head not spinning. Addison turns to leave, moving too fast and  swaying on her feet. Alex rushes to her side. <br/>"Dr. Montgomery?"</p><p>"I'm fine Karev."    </p><p> "Addison."</p><p>Then everything was a blur, she could hear Alex repeating her name but she said nothing is response to him. She hold onto him to keep herself steady, it wasn't something she wanted to be but instinctively did it. Everything was a blur until it went completely black.</p><p>Addison woke up in a hospital bed. It didn't take her long to come to the realization that she had passed out. She had passed out. Passed out! In front of Alex Karev, in front of half the hospital! What if they know now?! What if Mark knows now?! This wasn't how she wanted to tell him. She didn't know how she wanted to tell him but definitely not like this!  She ran her finger through her hair, fighting back the tears forming in her eyes and silently cursing her hormones for making her so sensitive. </p><p>"You're wake."</p><p>"Who knows?"</p><p>Bailey raised her eyebrow at Addison's question. "About you're secret pregnancy? Just me and Karev. And I already told him if he says a word to anyone that I would kick his ass. So you can relax."</p><p>Addison slowly nodded. There was the confirmation test she had been waiting for. Then she let the next worry take over her. "It was dehydration...dehydration and exhaustion. Right...? The baby is fine. Right...? I mean, I know this is my specialty, and I know I'm right but I...I need to hear you say it."</p><p>Bailey stopped what she was doing and placed the chart on the table next to her, looking at Addison and giving her a soft, sweet smile. "It was dehydration, and exhaustion. And Addison, your baby is perfectly fine."</p><p>"Thank you Miranda."</p><p>"Now, because of your little stunt out there, you are stuck on bed rest for the rest of the day."</p><p>"You can't be serious?!"</p><p>"Oh I am. You are staying in that bed. Unless you want me to call Mark Sloan in here, then you can stay in your own bed."</p><p>"No!"</p><p>"Then stay Montgomery."</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>	Addison sighed, leaning back against the pillows and trying to let relaxation take over her body. But the second she closed her eyes her mind filled with too many thoughts to allow sleep. She was pregnant. Pregnant. Having a baby. It still seemed unreal to her.  She felt a ping of guilt through her body when she realized that this baby was only 9 weeks old and she was already failing as a mother. She needed to take better care of herself. Taking better care of herself meant taking better care of the baby. </p><p>"I thought I heard Baily say Montgomery."</p><p>Addison quickly sat up at the sound of the voice. "Derek?!"</p><p>"You okay Addie?"</p><p>"I'm fine. Why are you here?"</p><p>"Checking on you."</p><p>"I told you I'm fine, you can go."</p><p>"What happened?" Derek asked as he reached for her chart that was still on the table. </p><p>"Derek, stop! I said I was fine! Don't you have patients?!" Addison said, her voice filled with panic. But her words were useless, Derek opened her chart and read through everything. Addison looked away in tears. She braced herself for his anger, the hateful remarks about her and Mark that he used to throw at her. But instead she was met with silence, she felt her bed adjust with extra weight as he sat down next to her. </p><p>"Addie?"</p><p>She slowly turned her head to meet his gaze. His facial expression was soft, almost sweet. He had the stupid McDreamy smile as he looked at her. "You're pregnant."</p><p>"Yeah...I am."</p><p>"You don't seem happy..."</p><p>"I am, I am. Its just-unexpected. And a lot. And overwhelming.  I just got to a good place, and Mark and I are new...and living in a hotel room."</p><p>"Does Mark know?"</p><p>"No...and me passing out in the hospital isn't exactly how I wanted him to find out."</p><p>Derek smiles sweetly at her. "Addie, you know that it doesn't matter how you tell him, he's going to be thrilled."</p><p>"You don't know that.."</p><p>"I do."</p><p>Addison shot him a glare of disbelief. </p><p>"Don't give me the Addison look." Derek chuckled.</p><p>"We don't have to talk about this. I know Mark and I aren't your favorite topic."</p><p>"It wasn't in the past but things have changed."</p><p>"Oh really?"</p><p>"I've forgiven Mark. And I've forgiven you. I think maybe its time that you forgive yourself."</p><p>	Addison looks down, trying to hide the tears that were forming in her eyes from Derek's words. He forgave her. He. Forgave. Her. And he was sitting by her bedside comforting her. It was hard not to get emotional from how far they've come. Divorced, but still good friends. Still family.  Maybe Derek was right, maybe it was time that she forgave herself. Maybe it was time for her to let go on the past, stop waiting for another punishment for her mistakes, and start letting herself be happy. </p><p>"I always assumed you were some kind of game to Mark."</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"Mark has never been a relationship guy-"</p><p>"Gee thanks Derek."</p><p>"Let me finish Addie." Derek slightly chuckled at her sassy interruption before continuing. "He was a ladies mans, and he loved a challenge. I figured you were a challenge to him. Some kind of chase, a game. But the second you needed him, the second things got serious. He stepped up. I've never seen him like that before, how he was with you. So caring, and gentle and concerned. He hasn't made a move on anyone since, not even noticed anyone else. Just you, its just been you for him. Mark loves you Addison. Really loves you. So yeah, when I say he's going to be thrilled to hear about the baby, I do know it. You're it for him Addie. You're the one. So don't be afraid to tell him, it may be overwhelming and scary right now, but its going to work out. You're going to be a great mother. Let yourself be happy."</p><p>Addison took a deep, shaky breath, letting the tears stream down her cheeks. By now there was no use fighting them off. It wasn't the first time someone had pointed out how Mark had changed for her, but hearing it from Derek in such a heart felt way hit her in a different way.  Derek placed his hand on Addison's and gave it a comforting squeeze, causing her to smile.  </p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>Derek smiled at her, standing back up and kissing her forehead. "You want me to find him and send him in?'</p><p>Addison nods. </p><p> </p><p>[Windows flung wide open, autumn air, jacket around my shoulder is yours. We bless the rain on Cornelia Street, memorize the creaks in the floor. Back when we were card sharks, playing games, I thought you were leading me on. I pack my bags, left Cornelia Street, before you even knew I was gone. But then you called, showed your hand, I turned around before I hit the tunnel, sat on the roof, you and I.]</p><p> </p><p>	Mark couldn't get the Addison's room fast enough. Derek told him she was perfectly fine and not to worry but he didn't care. All he could think about was that Addison had passed out at work and was now on bed rest for the day. He knew that she hadn't been feeling well, why didn't he try harder? Why didn't he push her more to stay home and rest? He could have helped, he could have done more. Derek said she was okay but he needed to see that she was okay. He needed to know for himself, he needed to know what happened.</p><p>"Addie! What happened?! Are you okay?!" </p><p>"Mark, I'm fine."</p><p>"You passed out, people who are fine don't pass out!"</p><p>"I was dehydrated."</p><p>"Dehydrated?"</p><p>"You should come sit with me."</p><p>"That sounds serious..."</p><p>"Sitting with your girlfriend sounds serious?"</p><p>"Sitting with my girlfriend in a hospital bed that she's in where she's about to tell me something sounds serious."</p><p>"Mark just sit down...please?"</p><p>	Mark sighed, doing as Addison asked and sitting down on the hospital bed she was laying in. His heart raced, afraid of the news she was about to spring on him. Regardless of what he had been told, he was assuming the worst. Which he wasn't quite sure what exactly was the worst, just that he was nervous for whatever she was about to say. Addison could see the fear in his eyes and held onto his hands to comfort him. </p><p>"My dehydration was caused from how sick I've been...in the mornings."</p><p>"So you are sick?"</p><p>"No, well, kind of."</p><p>"Is it the flu?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"What is it Addie?! Just tell me!"</p><p>"I'm pregnant."</p><p>"You're...."  Mark didn't even finish his sentence. Shock took over his body. Addison waited a moment for a response, she tried desperately to read the look on his face but couldn't. He beyond looked surprised, like there were too many feelings washing over him. She knew that the news was a lot but she honestly was hoping for more then this. More then silence.</p><p>"I know that this is unexpected, and we didn't talk about this or plan this. I mean, we just got together and I don't even know if you want kids and we live in a hotel room and we can't raise a baby in a hotel room and-" Addison didn't realize that she had started ranting in a panicked manor until Mark was suddenly holding onto her hands again and kissing them. </p><p>"I want this kid. I want our kid. We didn't plan this but this could be great for us. We don't have to stay in a hotel room. We'll get a house. We'll get a big house where we can raise our kid and you can have a closet for all your ridiculous shoes and we could be happy. I get that its your body, your choice and you've been through a lot but fuck Addie, I love you so much, and I want this kid. I want to have a baby with you."</p><p>Addison stared into his eyes, taking in every word he said to her before smiling back at him. </p><p>"...I want to have a baby with you too."</p><p>Mark's face lit up with excitement and happiness. Addison swore she saw tears in his eyes, which made her tear up. Again. (Damn hormones.) He quickly wrapped her arms around her, placing kisses all over her face making her giggle happily. </p><p>"A baby! We're having a baby!"</p><p>	Now Addison couldn't stop smiling. A weight was lifted from her after she finally told Mark, and seeing his reaction. He was thrilled, just like Derek had told her. A new feeling settled within her as she took in the bliss of the moment. She allowed herself to be happy, to be excited. She was having a baby. She was finally going to be a mother. When Mark rested his hand on her stomach, right over where their baby was growing, Addison put her hand on top of his. It was the first time she let herself connect with their unborn baby like this. She made another mental note to herself to be a better pregnant mom, though she wasn't going to be too hard on herself considering she wasn't showing yet. </p><p> </p><p>[I hope I never lose you, hope this never ends. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. And baby I get mystified by how this city screams your name. And baby I'm not terrified of if you ever walk away. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. You hold my hand on the street, walk me back to the apartment, years ago, we were just inside. Barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginning that became my religion, listen.]</p><p> </p><p>	That night they laid in bed together, their bodies tangled together. Mark made sure that his hand hovered over Addison's stomach. Even though he just found out about the pregnancy earlier that day, he took every chance possible to rub her belly. She would always tease him about it since her stomach was still flat, but she secretly loved it. She loved every moment of Marks excitement and happiness over becoming a father. </p><p>	Addison replayed Derek's words in her head throughout the day. Forgive yourself. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty about terminating her first pregnancy, their first baby together. Her little Ella. But despite the pain she felt over it, she knew she made the right decision for herself then. She forgave herself. Besides, if she didn't made that choice then, she wouldn't be where she was now. It was a rough road getting there, but she liked where she was. This is her and Marks second chance. </p><p>"Our baby is the size of a cherry." Mark said. Addison could hear his smile in his voice. </p><p>"I know." She chuckles. "You looked that up?"</p><p>"Yeah, I wanna know everything. I'm in this Addison. Every step of the way."</p><p>Addison couldn't help but smile. "What else did you learn today?"</p><p>"Well, like I said, our baby is the size of a cherry, or large green olive, but no martini's for you. And our baby is certainly working on developing its organs, and that the first trimester can be really hard on the mom. Extreme exhaustion, morning sickness, hormones, constantly having to pee, and increased metabolism which can trigger a decrease in blood sugar."</p><p>"Wow, looks like you did your reading."</p><p>"Hell yeah I did! I gotta take care of my baby and baby mama."</p><p>"Baby mama?!"</p><p>Mark smirks and places a kiss on her lips. "Yeah, baby mama."</p><p>"Well, baby daddy, your no martini green olive baby wants pizza for dinner."</p><p>"What the olive wants, the olive gets."</p><p>Addison chuckles. "The olive hasn't even developed organs and its already getting spoiled."</p><p>"Hey, gotta start early."</p><p>	Mark kissed Addison's forehead before he left the comfort of their bed to order the pizza Addison, well olive, was craving. Given that she hadn't had much of an appetite the past couple days due to the morning sickness, he was more then happy to order her food. He planned on feeding her every chance he got, nutrition was very important for her right now and she was going to make sure she got it. He planned on taking good care of his family. He smiled to himself, family. They were a family, he had a family.</p><p>	"Alright, pizza should be here in about thirty minutes. Can I get you anything else? Tea? There's water by your bed, I stocked up on ginger ale so there's plenty of that for when your not feeling good. I can give you a massage?...What?"</p><p>His words trailed off when he noticed Addison gazing at him, the sweetest smile on her lips. </p><p>"I just, I love you."</p><p>"I love you too Red."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah, always."</p><p>"Always."</p><p>[I hope I never lose you, hope this never ends. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. And baby I get mystified by how this city screams your name. And baby I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away. I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. I don't wanna lose you, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again. I rent a place on Cornelia Street, I say casually in the car..]</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 11. Daylight.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got my nails done, and they're stilettos so typing is super hard. Lol. So sorry any errors. I tried to catch them all but I'm sure there's more then usual.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light. There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven, I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye. ]</p><p> </p><p>	Mark stretched his arm out to the other side of the bed to pull Addison to him, but his arm was meet by a cold, empty space. He sat up in bed, confused as to why he was waking up alone. He never woke up alone when they had days off together. That's when he heard her, the sound of sickness coming from the bathroom. "Oh Addie..." He quickly got up to be by her side.<br/>	Mark brushed her hair out of her face and held it back while she finished empty the contents of her stomach that she didn't even know she had into the toilet. Once she was confident that she was finally finished, she flushed and then leaned back, trying to catch her breath. Morning sickness was draining.</p><p>"You okay Red?"</p><p>Addison just groaned in response, she didn't have the strength to form words. Mark could tell she was exhausted. Her face was pale and she could barely keep her eyes open. He scooped her up into his arms and carried to their bed. Once he laid her back down he pulled the covers over her and made sure she was comfy before going to make her tea. </p><p>"You made me tea." Addison said softly and smiles as he places the mug by her bedside. </p><p>"Hey honey, how are you feeling?"</p><p>"I'm okay."</p><p>"Last time you said that you ended up in a hospital bed."</p><p>Addison chuckles. "I'm already in a bed so no hospital beds are needed. Come cuddle?"</p><p>Mark smiles, kissing her forehead. "Gladly."</p><p>	Mark gets back into bed, allowing Addison to roll over so she could curl up in his arms and lay her head on his chest. It was her favorite position, she said it was where she felt coziest and secure. Mark called it 'her spot'. He places another kiss on her forehead and starts to soothingly rub her back as he holds her. </p><p>"I don't like seeing you in a hospital bed."</p><p>"You know I have to give birth right? That kind of requires me to be in a hospital bed." </p><p>"We could do a home birth? Get one of those tub things."</p><p>Addison laughs. "Mark...no."</p><p>"Why not? It could be like, intimate and special."</p><p>	Addison looks up at him to see if he was serious. And he was. She couldn't help but laugh again.  Over protective boyfriend/dad Mark was her favorite.  She found it highly touching and overly sweet how he was with her now that she was pregnant. He was cute, really really cute. But no amount of cuteness was going to get her to agree to a home birth. </p><p>"Mark, I love you. But you're gonna have to just suck it up. This baby is being born at a hospital. "</p><p>"Fine."</p><p>Addison leans up and gives him a quick kiss. "But I appreciate the concern Mark, I do."</p><p>"I love you, and the strawberry."</p><p>	The smile on Addison's face grew bigger at Mark's words. He would look up every week of her pregnancy and the excitedly tell her the size of their baby along with the development. Even though this was her medical profession and she was already well aware of everything that her and the baby were going through, she would happily listen. Because every time he would talk about their baby and everything he was learning, Addison fell in love with him even more. </p><p>Addison laid her head back on his chest and relaxed in his arms. "Strawberry huh?"</p><p>"A large strawberry. A large strawberry that now has fingers and toes." </p><p>"Sounds like a weird strawberry."</p><p>"Sounds like the cutest strawberry."</p><p> </p><p>[I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think about anything else now that I thought of you. I've been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night, and now I see daylight. I only see daylight.]</p><p> </p><p>  	 Addison woke up a couple hours later, sitting up in bed and stretching her arms. She glanced at her phone to check the time. 10:34. Holy shit, she over slept. That was the latest she had slept in...well...ever! Though she had to admit is felt nice, really nice.</p><p>"You're awake!" Mark smiled and greeted her with a kiss. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Better. Hungry, but better."</p><p>"Perfect, I have pancakes and a bowl of fruit waiting for you. But after breakfast I'm gonna need you to get ready, I'm taking you out."</p><p>"You're taking me out? Where?"</p><p>"Its a surprise."</p><p>"Mark..."</p><p>"Don't worry about it Red, its a good surprised. Now go eat your breakfast."</p><p>	Two and a half hours later (way too long in Marks opinion but he knew better than to rush her) and they were on their way.  Mark glanced over at Addison every now and then as he drove, watching her excitement and curiosity as she tried to think of where he could be taking her. Her curiosity turned to confusion when they pulled up to a house. </p><p>"Mark? Where are we?"</p><p>	He smiled as he helped her out of the car, holding her hand as he walked inside with her. It was a big house, but not too big that it was overwhelming. It was a newer house be still had a cozy feel to it. It was two story, spacious, with a fireplace, it was perfect. Addison didn't need to see the rest of the house to know it, but of course she would inspect it. Mark watched her carefully as she looked around in awe, waiting impatiently for an opinion. He waited until she saw the house before speaking up.</p><p>"So what do you think? Pretty nice huh?"</p><p>"I think its more then pretty nice. Its incredible...but what are we doing here? Why did you take me to an empty house?"</p><p>"Because I see our Christmas tree in the far corner of the living room, and us drinking juju by the fireplace, I see you taking up the majority of space in the large walk in closet and a bath tub that fits both of us so we can take bubble baths together. I see our kids nursery, probably sea themed because our kid is better then having some gender typical color themed room.  I see our future in this house."</p><p>Addison was smiling ear to ear by the time Mark was done talking. "Sea themed huh?"</p><p>"Yeah, like turtles and seahorses and shit."</p><p>Addison chuckles and takes another glance around the house. "It is a perfect home."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Yeah, I really do love this house."</p><p>"Good, because I already bought it."</p><p>"You what?!"</p><p>"I know you've been really worried about the pregnancy because we live in a hotel room right now. So I found us a home."</p><p>"You bought us a house?!"</p><p>"Did you want to have a baby in the hotel?"</p><p>"Well, no."</p><p>"Yeah, I bought us a house."</p><p>"Mark, that's huge!"</p><p>"So is having a baby and we're already doing that."</p><p>	Addison ran her fingers through her hair and she look another look at the house. It truly was perfect. Everything Mark saw in the house she did too. She saw their future, their family, she saw everything in that home. It was perfect, and it was perfect for them. </p><p>"I feel like I should have helped you with this."</p><p>"Nah, finding a house was easy work. You're growing our child. You're doing the hard work, you're like Wonder Woman."</p><p>Addison laughs. "I'm like Wonder Woman?"</p><p>"Better then Wonder Woman."</p><p>"Mark...you bought us a house."</p><p>"Yeah...I bought us a house."</p><p>	The excitement and happiness suddenly fully took over Addison. She look another long glance over their new home, giggling and smiling, tears forming in her eyes as she picture their life. Christmas morning by the fire place, feeding their child at the kitchen table, watching the sunrise on the porch. She saw it all, this was definitely their home. Mark walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her and resting his hand over her stomach, where their baby was growing. She leaned into his embrace. </p><p>"I can't thank you enough Mark."</p><p>He kisses her cheek. "I love you Red."</p><p>"I love you too. And this house."</p><p> </p><p>[Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky, and so I became the butt of the joke. I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked. Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke. Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down, maybe I've stormed out of every room in this town. Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because its morning now, its brighter now.]</p><p> </p><p>"So...?"</p><p>Addison looked up from her papers to see Derek grinning at her. </p><p>"So...what...?"</p><p>"What did you think?"</p><p>"Of the house? Mark told you?"</p><p>"Of course he told me."</p><p>"You're friends with Mark again?"</p><p>"I'm friends with Mark again."</p><p>	Addison couldn't help but smile. After all the hurt that had happened between the three of them and the rough road they had been on, it was such a relief that they could all be friends. And real friends, not just fake friends that were only nice to each other at work. They were still able to support each other, joke around, and were genuinely happy for one another's happiness.</p><p>"Did he also tell you he wants me to have a home water birth?"</p><p>Derek laughed as Addison rolled her eyes, shaking her head at the thought. </p><p>"You would never do that."</p><p>"I would NEVER do that! But to answer your question, I love the house, its perfect."</p><p>"Big enough closet?"</p><p>"He knew to make sure of it."</p><p>Derek looked at her, taking a moment to fully observe her appearance and smile. </p><p>"You're glowing."</p><p>Addison shot him a glare through her glasses. "I am not that pregnant, I'm not glowing. Stop talking to Mark."</p><p>Derek chuckles. "Not that kind of glowing, unlike Mark, I know better then to say that to you. I meant you look happy Addie."</p><p>Her features soften as his words and she smiled. "I am happy."</p><p>Derek gave her shoulder a gentle, comforting squeeze. "Good, you deserve to be happy."</p><p>"You know what would make me really happy?"</p><p>"I'm not talking Mark out of the water birth."</p><p>"Why?!"</p><p>"Because its too funny to me." </p><p>	Addison shakes her head and chuckles as Derek walks away, still smiling from his comment. She was happy, stupidly happy. She couldn't remember the last time she felt this good in her life. She had been through so much over the past several months and it felt like she was finally out of the dark tunnel, she finally found the light. She wasn't drowning anymore, she had been pulled up for air. Mark was her breath of fresh air. </p><p>"So you and Derek are friends?"</p><p>This time it was Meredith standing next to her, finishing up the last of her paperwork and avoiding eye contact with the redhead. The comment was casual but the tone of her voice was what gave the worry away. Most people wouldn't have thought twice, but Addison has asked Meredith the same question before, with the same tone, so she recognized it. </p><p>"Meredith..."</p><p>"No, its good. Its good that you're friends with Derek."</p><p>"We've been through a lot, he's helped me through a lot. He's a good friend. But just a friend."</p><p>Meredith forced a smile. "Yeah, of course."</p><p>"Meredith..."</p><p>"Its good you're friends with Derek."</p><p>"He only looks at you."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"When I was worried, you told me Mark only looks at me. Well, Derek only looks at you. He has for awhile. Even when he was with me, he only looked at you. Its only you for him Meredith, no matter who he's friends with, its always going to be you."</p><p>"Oh..um, thank you."</p><p>	They exchanged smiles before parting ways, both of them knowing that their little conversation was awkward but also reassuring and needed. The two women didn't talk often, and when they did it was brief, but they were always grateful for the words exchanged. It seemed to be exactly what they needed to hear. </p><p> </p><p>[I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you. I've been sleeping so long in a twenty year dark night, and now I see daylight. I only see daylight. And I can see see it all in my mind, all of me all of you intertwined. I once believed love would be black and white, but its golden. And I can see it all in my head, back and forth from New York sneaking in your bed. I once believed love would be burning red, but its golden, like daylight.] </p><p> </p><p> 	Marks hands tangled in Addison's red hair, their foreheads rested against one another's as their breathing turned heavier and moans grew louder. Addison's rocked her hips faster as her climax approached. </p><p>"Fuck Mark.."</p><p>He smirked, loving when she got vocal during sex. He found it so hot, then again he found most everything she did to be hot.</p><p>"Oh god!" Addison moaned, reaching her ecstasy and Mark following soon after. Addison took a moment to catch her breath then slumped into Marks embrace. He kissed her forehead before laying them both back against the pillows, letting her get comfortable in 'her spot'. </p><p>	Mark had one hand gently combing her hair, and the other rested on her stomach. He loved moments like this, they were complete bliss to him. He also loved touching her belly. He knew Addison was nervous for all the changes that were about to happen to her body, but he couldn't wait. He was excited to see her belly grow, to watch his child grow. He already noticed some changes. The pregnancy glow was definitely a thing. She hated when he commented on it but he couldn't help it. 11 weeks and she was already glowing. Pregnancy looked good on Addison.</p><p>	Aside from the glowing, her bump was starting to show. It was the smallest, almost not noticeable. But Mark knew Addison's body well. She still thin but there bump was there. He wouldn't dare comment on it, but he admired it every chance he got. Especially in moments like this, where they were laying together.</p><p>"You keep playing with my hair like this and I'm gonna fall asleep." Addison says softly.</p><p>"Then sleep Red."</p><p>Addison nodded, knowing there was no way she was going to be able to fight off sleep much longer. </p><p>"Hey Mark?"</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"We have a baby...and a house."</p><p>They both smiled, Mark placing a kiss on the top of her head. </p><p>"Yeah, we do. We have a baby and a house."</p><p> </p><p>[I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you.  I don't wanna think about anything else now that I've thought of you. I've been sleeping  so long in a twenty year dark night, and now I see daylight. I only see daylight. You gotta step into the daylight, and let it go. ]</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. You are In Love.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>more fluff before I add drama. sorry this chapter is kind of short, but I wanted to get an update out asap since its been so long. and as always, sorry for any errors.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>[One look, dark room, meant just for you. Time moved too fast, you play it back. Buttons on a coat, light hearted joke. No proof, not much, but you saw enough. Small talk, he drives, coffee at midnight, The light reflects, the chain on your neck. He says 'Look up" and your shoulders brush. No proof, one touch, but you felt enough.] </p><p> </p><p>	Mark couldn't get enough of Addison, he couldn't keep his hands off of her. Not in a sexual way (well, always in a sexual way) but more so in a general way. She had reached her seventeenth week of pregnancy and the glowing was only growing, as well as her baby bump. The swell of her belly was still small but definitely there and very noticeable. He absolutely loved it. Though Addison said it looked just looked liked she had been eating too much, he caught her on several accounts admiring her bump in the mirror. Now that the morning sickness, nausea and dizziness was lessening, Addison was enjoying her pregnancy more. Mark's excitement and adoration was definitely helping her feel better.</p><p>	Aside from Addison's little baby bump, her hair was fuller, longer, and softer to the touch. Mark found himself constantly running his fingers through it or mindlessly playing with it when they laid together. Her breasts were definitely bigger as well, however currently sore so there  was the 'hands off' as she would say. But looking was allowed which he took advantage of doing. Though he loved her bigger breast, it was her entire body that marveled him. Her new curves, her glow, her beauty, everything. </p><p>	But also Addison's strength, her ability to go through all this. Her body was no longer hers, it was their daughters. The daughter got the majority of control. But Addison still handled everything with her usual grace. Mark was amazed by her.  </p><p>	Addison stood in the kitchen, gazing out the widow of their new kitchen, watching the light rainfall as she sipped on her morning smoothie. They were finally settled into their new house and Addison never felt more at home then she did here with Mark. She smiled when she felt two arms wrap around her, hands resting on her bump.</p><p>"Good morning, how's our little turnip?"</p><p>Addison giggles. "Its good."</p><p>"Any movement? You should be feeling movement soon."</p><p>"No movement. You know I will let you know the second I feel something."</p><p>"I know, I'm just excited. And we get to find out the gender tomorrow."</p><p>Addison smiles, putting her hands on top of Marks that were still resting on the swell of her stomach. "It's getting real." </p><p>He kissed her cheek. "It is. You doing okay?"</p><p>"Yeah.."</p><p>"Addie?"</p><p>"What if I'm a bad mother...?"</p><p>Mark turns her in his arms so she was facing him, he runs his fingers along her jawline. "Addison, you're going to be an amazing mother, what one earth would make you think differently?"</p><p>"I don't exactly have a loving family. My mother was never really a mother to me. Hell, she won't even let him call her mother. She's just...Bizzy."</p><p>"Addison..."</p><p>"I want to be a mother, I don't want to be a Bizzy."</p><p>Mark put his finger under his chin and lift her head to look into her eyes. "Addison. You are going to be an amazing mother. You have a big heart and lots of love to give, this kid is so lucky to have you. And so am I." </p><p>Addison smiles and relaxes in his arms. "We're lucky to have you too."</p><p> </p><p>[You can hear it the silence, you can feel it on the way home, you can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love, you are in love.]</p><p> </p><p>"You can't look."</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>Mark sighed. "You can't look Addison."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because, you'll know right away, its not fair."</p><p>Lucy chuckles. "He's right you know."</p><p>Addison turned her head to look at the OBGYN who was performing the ultrasound. "Hey-I'm the one carrying the kid and I'm the one with the rolled up shirt and exposed stomach, you have to agree with me." </p><p>"I want us to find out together Red. As soon as you see the screen you're gonna know."</p><p>Addison smiled sweetly at him and kissed his hand.  "Okay, I won't look."  </p><p>Lucy squirted the gel onto Addison abdomen, prepping to start the ultrasound. "Alright, here we go." She said and started to move the wand until it was in the correct area to show the baby.  "You two ready?"</p><p>Addison and Mark both nod eagerly.</p><p>"Congratulations Addison, Mark. You two are having a little girl."</p><p>	Addison quickly turned her head to look at the ultrasound. There she was, their perfect little girl. Strong, healthy, beautiful heart beat. Everything was perfect, she was perfect. Addison was so mesmerized by the image of their daughter that she didn't realize she was softly crying until Mark wiped away her tears with his thumb.</p><p>"A mini Red." Mark was smiling ear to ear as he looked at her.  </p><p>"A daughter! Mark we have a daughter!"</p><p>Mark leans down and kisses her passionately, cupping her face in his hands. "I love you so much Addison."</p><p>"I love you too Mark."</p><p>Lucy clears her throat, her presence clearly being forgotten by Addison and Mark in the moment. Mark stands up straight and chuckles. "Sorry Dr. Fields"</p><p> "I'll get you the ultrasound pictures and paperwork...and give you two a moment."</p><p>	Lucy left and Addison sits up, wiping the gel off her stomach before rolling her shirt back down. Mark immediately put his arms  her, pulling her into a hug.  They both new they would have been thrilled no matter what they were having, boy or girl. Both just wanted the baby to be healthy. But hearing the gender made it real. More real. They got visions of the future. 	<br/>	 Mark saw a mini Addison running around, a little red head girl with ocean blue eyes and a sassy attitude. He saw piggy back rides, bed time stories, teaching their little girl how to ride a bike. Addison saw a beautiful little girl with Mark's smile. She saw a book worm, daddy's girl,  a little girl that was going to be so unconditionally love. That was already unconditionally loved. </p><p>"A daughter." </p><p>Mark places his hand on Addison's bump.</p><p>"A daughter." Addison places her hand over his. </p><p> </p><p>[Morning, his place. Burnt toast, Sunday. You keep his shirt, he keeps his word. And for once you let go, of your fears and you ghosts. One step, not much, but it said enough. You kiss on sidewalks, you fight then you talk. One night, he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses and says "You're my best friend", and knew what is was. He is in love.]</p><p> </p><p>	They laid on the couch together that night watching a TV. Ever since the ultrasound Addison had been feeling extra  clingy, she repeatedly said it wasn't her fault and blamed the hormones. Mark didn't mind at all, whatever the reason was, he was always happy to have Addison laying in his arms.    </p><p>"What about Ariel?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Why not?"</p><p>"Because I'm not naming our daughter after a Disney mermaid."</p><p>"Its not about the mermaid. What if I actually like the name?"</p><p>"Everyone is going to think its about the mermaid given the red hair she may or may not have that her mother definitely does have."</p><p>"Well, what names do you like?"</p><p>	Addison went silent. Mark gave her minute, assuming she was just thinking of names to suggest, but her silence grew too long. He ran his hand up and down her back a couple times to comfort her from the thoughts she had gotten lost in. </p><p>"Hey, you okay?"</p><p>"Do you ever think...of our first...?" Addison asked softly, her voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>Mark shifted uncomfortably. "Back in New York...?"</p><p>Addison nodded.</p><p>"Yeah...I do..."</p><p>"I thought it would be girl. I had a feeling it would have been a girl. I called her Ella..."</p><p>	Mark looked down at her, surprised that she actually brought this topic up. And not just brought it up but was opening up about it. After the termination, Addison never talked about it. She would mumble that she was sorry he was hurting because of her and leave it at that. Mark always assumed that the situation didn't bother Addison, at least not as much as it did him. Derek was her priority then. But now he was learning that the early end of her first pregnancy really did get to her. </p><p>"Ella is a pretty name."</p><p>Addison replied with a nod. </p><p>"I didn't realize you got attached."</p><p>"I don't regret my decision. I am sorry that I hurt you but I don't regret it. It was the right choice for me, and for us. I know that. But yeah, I still think about it. I'm thinking about it a little extra today."</p><p>"Oh Addie..." Mark wraps his arms around he and holds her closer. </p><p>"Its okay Mark, I'm still happy. I'm still thrilled about this baby."</p><p>"Ariella."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"We can name her Ariella."</p><p>Addison thought about it for a moment, but before she could give her opinion, Mark spoke up again to defend his suggestion.</p><p>"No one can say its after a disney mermaid."</p><p>"You really like the name Ariel that much?"</p><p>"Yeah, I do."</p><p>"Okay. fine. I actually like Ariella. But I get to pick the middle name."</p><p> "Fair. What did you have in mind?"</p><p>"Everett."</p><p>Mark looks at her shocked. "What?"</p><p>"Ariella Everett Sloan."</p><p>"Addison..."</p><p>Addison smiles. "You already agreed to letting me pick the name."</p><p>"That's a big deal."</p><p>"Having a baby together is a big deal Mark."</p><p>"I'm serious Addie, giving our daughter my middle name is a big deal. At least to me it is. That means a lot to me."</p><p>"You mean a lot to me. Everything you've done for me means a lot to me."</p><p>Mark leans down and kisses Addison, full of passionate and love.</p><p> </p><p>[You can hear it in the silence, you can feel it on the way home. You can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love.]</p><p> </p><p>	Addison hurried down the halls of Seattle Grace to catch up with Derek. She rolled her eyes at herself, she wasn't even half way through the pregnancy and she was getting drained power walking around he job. She made a mental note to herself to ease up on the cravings. </p><p>"Derek!"</p><p>"Addison?"</p><p>"You walk too fast."</p><p>Derek chuckles and rubs the swell of Addison stomach. "Well, you're doing more work then I am so that probably has something to do with the walking."</p><p>"That is actually what I wanted to talk to you about."</p><p>"Walking?"</p><p>"No, the reason behind my lack of walking."</p><p>Derek laughs. "That makes more sense."</p><p>"Mark and I found out the gender yesterday which lead to a lot of talking and-"</p><p>"You found out the gender?" The excitement in his voice surprised Addison, she couldn't help but smile. "Um, yeah. We're having a girl."</p><p>"A girl! That's great! Congratulations." Derek said giving her a hug. </p><p>"Thank you. We uh, we decided to name her Ariella Everett Sloan."</p><p>Derek smiled sweetly at her. "Look at you, turning Mark Sloan into a family man."</p><p>"I know. Hard to believe."</p><p>"I'm happy for you Addison, I really am."</p><p>"Thank you. But um, that's not exactly what I wanted to talk to you about."</p><p>"Oh?"</p><p>"Mark and I were wondering if um...if you would be her godfather."</p><p>"Seriously?"</p><p>	Addison suddenly found herself growing nervous, worried about what his reaction and answer. She looked down, feeling the need to explain herself to him. "I know we're divorced and our marriage didn't exactly end while, and Mark and I hurt you. But you're still Marks best friend, and you're still an important person to me. I like to consider you my friend. You um...you were also there for me that night and supported me through my healing...and-"</p><p>"Addison." Derek waited until she looked up at him. He looked into her eyes and smiled. "I AM your friend. And I would be honored to be Ariella's godfather."</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>Derek pulled her into a hug. Addison let out a sigh of relief, relaxing in his embrace. Derek kissed the side of Addison's head. "Yeah Addie, thank you. Thank you so much."</p><p>	Addison was right, they did have a lot of history. Both good and bad. Addison was the love of his life at one point. The love for her was still there, but it had turned into a different kind of love. Addison would always be his family. They may have ended their marriage, but that didn't erase their history. Sure, it was a little weird that Addison and Mark were now together and having baby. But overall, Derek was just glad that Addison was happy. That's all he wanted for her. </p><p>When they parted from the hug, Derek placed his hand on her shoulder. "I am happy for you Addison. You're going to be an amazing mother."</p><p>Addison smiled and tears up at his words, damn hormones. "Thank you Derek."</p><p> </p><p>[You two are dancing in a snow globe round and round, and he keeps a picture of you in his office downtown. And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars. And why I've spend my whole life trying to put it into words. Cause you can hear it in the silence, you can feel it on the way home. You can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love, you're in love.]</p>
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